The elders met on Dec 18th and we decided it was time to close the church. It was sad/painful, but a relief of sorts. I still do not know how I feel about the whole thing. I am excited but sad. I am relieved but worried. I am not worried, but I am, just as I was ready to stay and ready to leave all at the same time. Complex times.
Many people have offered prayers on my behalf for the Lord to "strengthen you during this difficult transition." Again, some days I am relieved and the rest of the days I am bracing for the difficulty.
Lord helps us, all of us at CCMR.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Today I feel...
I have always been confused...it sometimes gets worse. Everyone at church thinks I am doing well, they think 'this thing of ours' is going well (I hope not!) I do not think it is going well and I am going down with it. I am not sure what the Lord wants me to do. Do I stay or do I go? Do I stop or do I continue?
Like this guy, but not as enthused. Not as amusing. He does make me smile. Smiling is good.
Like this guy, but not as enthused. Not as amusing. He does make me smile. Smiling is good.
Monday, October 26, 2015
The ideal stimulus for ministry, missions and all of life is Jesus
"In missionary enterprise, the great danger is that God’s call is effaced by the needs of the people until human sympathy absolutely overwhelms the meaning of being sent by Jesus." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest.
Chambers begins here... "Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so, I am sending you.”" (Jn 20:21). One could (and this one will) add this... "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth." (Acts 1:8). So that one could conclude that we minister to men primarily because Christ sends and/or calls us to it, not because men have needs (or else Christ would have commanded slightly differently.) That is so freeing, and it resets focus from man to Christ. What is Jesus instructing, where is he sending?
If we take the same lens to Col 3:23, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." we can conclude once again that Christ should be/is the focus of ALL the activity of the faithful person. Nothing should be/is done rightly just for another person if not motivated by Christ's many commands and examples. Hence when we daily decide to deny ourselves for the service of Jesus we fully live the life of a follower, we are in act Christian. Chambers again, "The idea is to carry out His enterprise." Heavy words to a selfish man.
Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief. I desire to serve you, but help my lack of desire to serve you. I love you, but help me to love you more and me less. Lead me and help me to follow. Fill me with your Holy Spirit.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Honest, good and patient
As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.
Luke 8:15 ESV
http://bible.com/59/luk.8.15.ESV
Luke 8:15 ESV
http://bible.com/59/luk.8.15.ESV
I have read this scripture over a hundred times, and this is my first noticing of the nature of the heart receptive to the seed of the Word. First, the soil is prepared by the Gardener or Farmer. God prepares the soil of our hearts in the things he allows in our lives. Our days are numbered and he carries the cipher. All our events are pre-ordained and freely chosen by us, a confounding, seeming-contradictory fact whose detail is hidden in the inscrutable nature of the God who became a Man. Life makes us hard, fertile, rocky or arable.
Once the soil is prepared it receives the seed from the sower, how beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace! The sower, once faithful to sow goes on to the next field, this is his job. He rarely stays to nurture that one seed, one plants, another waters and to God is the increase.
The arable heart is first honest in its receipt of the Word. Honesty to admit the need for a Savior, honesty to recognize the difference between Light and Darkness, Life and Damnation. It is second, good. This is difficult to describe, Jesus says, "No one is good except God." I think the good human heart pursues goodness to the ends of the Earth. Like Paul, the 'good man' cannot say that he has attained, but that he forgets what is past and presses toward the goal. Without the Word, that goal is here and there, Brownian motion for the soul. After the honest receipt of the Word, the pursuit of goodness is focused because it has a goal - follow Jesus and apprehend holiness. The honest and good heart is eager to receive the Word and it holds fast to it, never letting go as a boy handles his first marble or a girl her favorite doll. Hold fast and never let go. Notice, this is spoken as occurring in the instant of hearing the Word, but I think for most holding fast occurs as the worth of the Word dawns on us, hence patience. The rate and intensity of holding fast is a function of honestly recognizing the need and pursuing the goodness therein. As we see what we have, as we learn to learn it, use it and teach it we grow and produce fruit. This is where the patience of the heart comes in. So many seek God desiring a quick fix and are disappointed. It is not that He does not care, but the true, effectual knowledge of Him requires patience. As a man pursues the woman he loves, so ought we to seek God's face. Moses waited six days where many of us will not wait 6 minutes.
Honest, good and patient is the heart and that receives the Word of God, that sees the face of God and accomplishes the purposes of God.
Once the soil is prepared it receives the seed from the sower, how beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace! The sower, once faithful to sow goes on to the next field, this is his job. He rarely stays to nurture that one seed, one plants, another waters and to God is the increase.
The arable heart is first honest in its receipt of the Word. Honesty to admit the need for a Savior, honesty to recognize the difference between Light and Darkness, Life and Damnation. It is second, good. This is difficult to describe, Jesus says, "No one is good except God." I think the good human heart pursues goodness to the ends of the Earth. Like Paul, the 'good man' cannot say that he has attained, but that he forgets what is past and presses toward the goal. Without the Word, that goal is here and there, Brownian motion for the soul. After the honest receipt of the Word, the pursuit of goodness is focused because it has a goal - follow Jesus and apprehend holiness. The honest and good heart is eager to receive the Word and it holds fast to it, never letting go as a boy handles his first marble or a girl her favorite doll. Hold fast and never let go. Notice, this is spoken as occurring in the instant of hearing the Word, but I think for most holding fast occurs as the worth of the Word dawns on us, hence patience. The rate and intensity of holding fast is a function of honestly recognizing the need and pursuing the goodness therein. As we see what we have, as we learn to learn it, use it and teach it we grow and produce fruit. This is where the patience of the heart comes in. So many seek God desiring a quick fix and are disappointed. It is not that He does not care, but the true, effectual knowledge of Him requires patience. As a man pursues the woman he loves, so ought we to seek God's face. Moses waited six days where many of us will not wait 6 minutes.
Honest, good and patient is the heart and that receives the Word of God, that sees the face of God and accomplishes the purposes of God.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Peace vs. Rest
I ponder often why I am always tired, why I rarely feel rested, even after rest. It seems inane, but one can eat and not be full. One can work and not be tired or reach completion, I guess resting is one of those things like, 'Just because you are alone it does not mean you are lonely.'
More often than not I rest, but rarely do I feel rested. It hit me in a brief prayer time today - I need not the absence of activity, but the presence of peace and the absence of internal turmoil. This one is surely impossible with man. So I put my hope in God to pacify the internal environment so that I feel less run down all the time. Just yesterday I was saying, "there is no such thing as too much ministry." This is the closest I have been to 1 Kings 18-19 in a very long time.
Lord, I beg for internal peace that I might be rested when I rest. You know the things that plague my mind and you know how to quiet them. I pray for peace in my heart that I might be refreshed. Help me to remember that my soul is renewed daily, help me thus to feel renewed daily.
More often than not I rest, but rarely do I feel rested. It hit me in a brief prayer time today - I need not the absence of activity, but the presence of peace and the absence of internal turmoil. This one is surely impossible with man. So I put my hope in God to pacify the internal environment so that I feel less run down all the time. Just yesterday I was saying, "there is no such thing as too much ministry." This is the closest I have been to 1 Kings 18-19 in a very long time.
Lord, I beg for internal peace that I might be rested when I rest. You know the things that plague my mind and you know how to quiet them. I pray for peace in my heart that I might be refreshed. Help me to remember that my soul is renewed daily, help me thus to feel renewed daily.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Atmosphere vs. Reasoning
"Spiritual truth is learned by atmosphere, not by intellectual reasoning. God’s Spirit alters the atmosphere of our way of looking at things, and things begin to be possible which never were possible before." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
I reason a lot of things, even the spiritual. I used to be very pentecostal and atmospheric and things often got weird. I learned of the systematic study of the Bible and began a systematic walk with God and things got rigid. There is a time, place, and measure for all things. I am trying to masquerade a pastor and a happy, functional, spiritual family and it is not and will not work. I am still willing to be made willing, but for now, the mask is cracked and cracking. Jesus was transfigured before his disciples, Wiersbe says that was the opposite of masquerade, change from the inside out.
Lord, I pray that you would transfigure me into a good, spiritual, Godly man. Help me to stop masquerading, yet help me to walk in faith so that I may walk on water by your enabling. Change me from the inside out and make me more and more like you. That I would be my best when no one is looking and when things are at their worst.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Who do people say I am?
Now I am curious - from what I know I am hard-working, faithful, good, kind, funny blah blah. I talked to a friend about the difference between children behaving well and children knowing right and wrong. Many of us are outwardly sorted, we know how to behave well though our innards are wretched.
My desire is that Jesus would cure the bad water from the aquifer, that he would cure the wild vine, from the root up to the branches. I might be outwardly decent, passable at best but my inwards self is so wretched and it is not because the Bible tells me so. My thoughts and some of the things I think I would want to; ok, check this: consider something you think you would love to do and then watching it happen to someone else and your stomach turns. That is me, and I know without the restraining of the Holy Spirit I would likely be out trying to do all those sick-inducing things I think of...losing my point.
I pray that the gap between who I want to be/who people say I am and who I am in the lonely dark would be smaller and smaller as time goes.
Dear Lord, I am tired and never seem replenished. Why is that?
My desire is that Jesus would cure the bad water from the aquifer, that he would cure the wild vine, from the root up to the branches. I might be outwardly decent, passable at best but my inwards self is so wretched and it is not because the Bible tells me so. My thoughts and some of the things I think I would want to; ok, check this: consider something you think you would love to do and then watching it happen to someone else and your stomach turns. That is me, and I know without the restraining of the Holy Spirit I would likely be out trying to do all those sick-inducing things I think of...losing my point.
I pray that the gap between who I want to be/who people say I am and who I am in the lonely dark would be smaller and smaller as time goes.
Dear Lord, I am tired and never seem replenished. Why is that?
Friday, September 18, 2015
Sermon writer's block
Sermons are not necessarily difficult to write, there is a LOT of materials in commentaries and other reference books. My process is three-fold. In the first two steps, I either read far and wide from those more knowledgeable than I. In this stage, I may also listen to the teachings of other pastors on the topic/text at hand. The second step is to put down what I think of the text, in a sense draft my own commentary of the topic or text. The third step is compiling all the gathered wisdom, putting it in order and arranging it in a sensible manner so that it is useful to the hearer. Often I harvest an idea of the application, or purpose of the message in the first two steps. Other times I do not, or I go the wrong way, or I think I have it but I do not. Those instances make for a difficult sermon-writing. Mk 7:23-37 is such a sermon. The text is not complex – Jesus heals a girl at the faithful request of her mother (lesson: prayer, how to treat Gentiles) and then Jesus heals a Gentile man (lesson how to treat Gentiles…I think). But it will not come together, but the Lord is faithful. Sunday is still some days away.
Continue to pray.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Excert from sermon: Who is this? Pt 2
I agree with Tozer, many of us have second-hand knowledge
of God. Very few can honestly say they have met God, heard his voice and felt
his touch. Usually, we have an idea, a sense of what the Lord is saying. We feel
the Lord is leading us this way and that. We follow our peace. We receive a
word from the Lord often through some other person. None of that is bad, not at
all. But in the words of Glen Kaiser, it is like kissing through a windowpane, is it not? So that David said in Ps 103:7, “He
made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel.” [1] When
did this happen? In the wilderness, in Exod 20:18-21.
Remarkable is it not? Moses drew near to
the thick darkness where God was. He heard the voice, saw his glory and God
became his obsession.
The reality terrifies me, but I have moments
when I say along with Moses, “Let me see you, show me your glory, may I hear
your voice be it still and small or a roaring waterfall.” Then I run away...I am still scared to shake hands with the consuming fire that I want so badly to see. Sunday, August 9, 2015
Submission and Control
Next Sunday's study is the death of John the Baptist (Mark 6:13-29). While considering the situation surrounding his death, I was presented with a great example of the current state of mankind.
Mobile data technology allows us to check the path ahead before we leave. If I had the discipline I could check the routes to my house or work before I leave and know of construction, accidents, and slow traffic and take an alternate route. It is a brilliant thing. No one enjoys sitting in traffic especially me - all my vehicles have manual transmissions and my clutch leg tends to quiver and cramp up after a while. But this is what we have become accustomed to and it surely bleeds into our spiritual lives.
In his infinite wisdom, the Lord allows traffics jams, accidents, and construction on the highways of our lives. So we are cruising at 65 mph on the straight and narrow road and we come to a dead stop because there are orange cones in the road - the road is washed out from under us, a rock slide throws us off the path or there is some other bottleneck, after all, it is a narrow road. I am convinced that his desire is for us to lean into Him for help and wisdom and then to serve in the situation. Instead, we tend to rant, rave and rail against the failure of our plans, the things we want and do not have because the Lord has not allowed it. We wail at the Lord instead of waiting on and waiting for him (there is a difference). When Americans say, "Wait on the Lord or wait for the Lord", they usually mean the same thing - hang tight. When the English say, "Wait on the Lord," they mean be a waiter, gird yourself and serve Him (Luke 17:8). When they say wait for the Lord they mean hang tight where you are until you receive further instructions. We are to do both. The Bible has many accounts of men and women in similar situations.
Abraham and Sarah's life seems to revolve against getting a male heir as the Lord promised. Like us they tried to handle it, find a way around the issue by introducing Hagar into their marriage bed and that created a whole swarm of problems. They had Lot to rescue and minister to, flocks to tend, local geopolitics to deal with - fiascoes with Pharaoh and Abimelech for example and many things that happened to them. They were all opportunities to wait on and wait for the Lord until his time was right - she turned 99 and she was ready to give birth. (Gen 12-21)
Ruth had aspirations when she married the Jewish boy who had moved into her home town. She had been married a while, life was cruising along and the man died, his brother died, his father died and here she was with her two female in-laws heading back to Israel to be a foreign widow. She went along with the flow of things and the Lord intervened and blessed her with a good husband, a good son and a reputation worth more than the other two put together. She has her own book in the Bible. (Ruth)
John the Baptist was doing what God called him to do - proclaiming the kingdom. He told it like it is and that landed him in trouble with Herod Antipas and his (new) wife Herodias (who is new because she used to be his brother's wife). He ends up in prison, being called to preach when Herod needed a bit of religion. In a drunken moment, he promises his step-daughter up to half his kingdom after she dances for him and his drunken buddies (inappropriate!) John has been sitting in prison wondering where he took a wrong turn, He sent word to Jesus to check if he had performed his duty because he was not sure (Luke 7). Things should have turned out differently, right? Like us, he was not sure how they should have ended but this did not look right. And then he saw the executioner coming and someone behind him with a huge silver plate. According to one fictional history book, Genghis Khan died at the hands of one of his wives who remembered how he massacred her family. A sad way for a mighty warrior to go. A sad way for the greatest among those born to women (Luke 7:28) to go - at the whim of a teenage girl. (Mark 6:14-29)
But this is EXACTLY what the all-knowing God had planned. We do not see far enough ahead, we do not see his motives, his plans, the outcomes he has in store. He sees through eternity. Everything that has been, that is and that will be is as an instant in his mind. How can we even conceive to know what is best for us as individuals when he can sort out what is best for ALL mankind. Every situation we would look at and see one person coming out on top and another getting the raw deal and another somewhere in between he worked out so that each person comes out exactly where they should be to the greatest glory of his name. And here come me with my prawn brain thinking, "I know what is best or at least what is good for my life." The nerve of some people! I will mention in passing that in all this we have absolute free will to do as we please. Do not ask me how because it makes my brain hurt.
There are two ways of ending a thing and the best way to end is in fulfillment of one's purpose. You can end an acorn with a hammer or by planting it. In the first it is destroyed, in the second it is fulfilled. Consider this - in Alaska the mighty salmon swim upstream to lay eggs and die. We find that tragic, but in their death, they feed the birds and the bears. They replenish the water and the soil of nutrients like nitrogen so that the trees grow and produce a good percentage of the oxygen in our atmosphere. They die a seemingly pathetic death, but they are fulfilled in that death. The alternative is them dying onto my plate under some mango salsa, and even then they are fulfilled for sustaining my life and providing for me the protein and omega-3-fatty acids I need. There is no waste in the kingdom of God and on an eternal scale, every single event in the lives of men will be shown to bring glory to the Almighty God.
The Lord will fulfill His plans for our lives. We need to realize that though we have a semblance of control over much else in our lives it is a semblance, we actually have very little control. Get comfortable with being out of control. It makes it easier to wait on the Lord and wait for the Lord when there is an accident blocking the road, construction or some other traffic jam.
Mobile data technology allows us to check the path ahead before we leave. If I had the discipline I could check the routes to my house or work before I leave and know of construction, accidents, and slow traffic and take an alternate route. It is a brilliant thing. No one enjoys sitting in traffic especially me - all my vehicles have manual transmissions and my clutch leg tends to quiver and cramp up after a while. But this is what we have become accustomed to and it surely bleeds into our spiritual lives.
In his infinite wisdom, the Lord allows traffics jams, accidents, and construction on the highways of our lives. So we are cruising at 65 mph on the straight and narrow road and we come to a dead stop because there are orange cones in the road - the road is washed out from under us, a rock slide throws us off the path or there is some other bottleneck, after all, it is a narrow road. I am convinced that his desire is for us to lean into Him for help and wisdom and then to serve in the situation. Instead, we tend to rant, rave and rail against the failure of our plans, the things we want and do not have because the Lord has not allowed it. We wail at the Lord instead of waiting on and waiting for him (there is a difference). When Americans say, "Wait on the Lord or wait for the Lord", they usually mean the same thing - hang tight. When the English say, "Wait on the Lord," they mean be a waiter, gird yourself and serve Him (Luke 17:8). When they say wait for the Lord they mean hang tight where you are until you receive further instructions. We are to do both. The Bible has many accounts of men and women in similar situations.
Abraham and Sarah's life seems to revolve against getting a male heir as the Lord promised. Like us they tried to handle it, find a way around the issue by introducing Hagar into their marriage bed and that created a whole swarm of problems. They had Lot to rescue and minister to, flocks to tend, local geopolitics to deal with - fiascoes with Pharaoh and Abimelech for example and many things that happened to them. They were all opportunities to wait on and wait for the Lord until his time was right - she turned 99 and she was ready to give birth. (Gen 12-21)
Ruth had aspirations when she married the Jewish boy who had moved into her home town. She had been married a while, life was cruising along and the man died, his brother died, his father died and here she was with her two female in-laws heading back to Israel to be a foreign widow. She went along with the flow of things and the Lord intervened and blessed her with a good husband, a good son and a reputation worth more than the other two put together. She has her own book in the Bible. (Ruth)
John the Baptist was doing what God called him to do - proclaiming the kingdom. He told it like it is and that landed him in trouble with Herod Antipas and his (new) wife Herodias (who is new because she used to be his brother's wife). He ends up in prison, being called to preach when Herod needed a bit of religion. In a drunken moment, he promises his step-daughter up to half his kingdom after she dances for him and his drunken buddies (inappropriate!) John has been sitting in prison wondering where he took a wrong turn, He sent word to Jesus to check if he had performed his duty because he was not sure (Luke 7). Things should have turned out differently, right? Like us, he was not sure how they should have ended but this did not look right. And then he saw the executioner coming and someone behind him with a huge silver plate. According to one fictional history book, Genghis Khan died at the hands of one of his wives who remembered how he massacred her family. A sad way for a mighty warrior to go. A sad way for the greatest among those born to women (Luke 7:28) to go - at the whim of a teenage girl. (Mark 6:14-29)
But this is EXACTLY what the all-knowing God had planned. We do not see far enough ahead, we do not see his motives, his plans, the outcomes he has in store. He sees through eternity. Everything that has been, that is and that will be is as an instant in his mind. How can we even conceive to know what is best for us as individuals when he can sort out what is best for ALL mankind. Every situation we would look at and see one person coming out on top and another getting the raw deal and another somewhere in between he worked out so that each person comes out exactly where they should be to the greatest glory of his name. And here come me with my prawn brain thinking, "I know what is best or at least what is good for my life." The nerve of some people! I will mention in passing that in all this we have absolute free will to do as we please. Do not ask me how because it makes my brain hurt.
There are two ways of ending a thing and the best way to end is in fulfillment of one's purpose. You can end an acorn with a hammer or by planting it. In the first it is destroyed, in the second it is fulfilled. Consider this - in Alaska the mighty salmon swim upstream to lay eggs and die. We find that tragic, but in their death, they feed the birds and the bears. They replenish the water and the soil of nutrients like nitrogen so that the trees grow and produce a good percentage of the oxygen in our atmosphere. They die a seemingly pathetic death, but they are fulfilled in that death. The alternative is them dying onto my plate under some mango salsa, and even then they are fulfilled for sustaining my life and providing for me the protein and omega-3-fatty acids I need. There is no waste in the kingdom of God and on an eternal scale, every single event in the lives of men will be shown to bring glory to the Almighty God.
The Lord will fulfill His plans for our lives. We need to realize that though we have a semblance of control over much else in our lives it is a semblance, we actually have very little control. Get comfortable with being out of control. It makes it easier to wait on the Lord and wait for the Lord when there is an accident blocking the road, construction or some other traffic jam.
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Faithful
I will always be amazed by the lord's faithfulness to speak and teach his children. I KNOW he does it for them in spite of me. Every so often sermon writing is a bear for various reasons (many ignoble). I study all week and I find I just cannot write. On Friday night or Saturday my sense of duty causes me to press in, I sit down and turn up the instrumental music and I start working and the Lord surprises me with a good sermon. I just hammered out one that needed little to no editing in 3-4 hours! Pretty good I think.
In light of the disappointments of my life recently I take much comfort in this reminder that the Lord is faithful to take care of his own regardless of who or what is in the way. Rom 8:39 - nothing can, nothing will separate us from his love. It is in the knowledge of that love that I hope to place all my life's stuff.
Friday, August 7, 2015
You shall hear a word in your ear
I want to hear your voice
but maybe I forgot
the sound of your voice.
I fear all I hear
is the wind outside
and my heart inside.
I know you speak.
I know you are God.
I know you hear.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Dreams come no more
Ambition is
another cloister,
another alley to stive through
another rarified victory
by the hair on the skin
of gritted teeth.
Ambition is
another vain wish
another star to gaze upon
another night time stroll in dark woods
to ponder paths barely there
and not taken.
Why dream at all?
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Home plate sliders
One of the guys at our men's meeting talked about believers who by their behavior despise the rich and glorious entrance into heaven (2 Pet1:11) available to them if they would "make every effort to supplement faith with virtue, virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with steadfastness, steadfastness with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection and brotherly affection with love." (2 Pet 1:5-7). He described them with a baseball analogy of one who rushes to the home plate and slides in, there is all this dust and no one can tell whether or not they are safe. In my sermon from 2 Pet (http://www.ccmiddleriver.org/mp3/2014/11/2014-11-16.mp3) I gave an analogy of finishing a race. There is the victorious 'Kodak moment' finish - hands raised in victory, smiles and all. And then there is the 'barely made it' finish - head hanging, almost walking run with the desperate look that says, "Please tell me it is over?" I run and have experienced both those finishes and many in between. The second comes from races I was essentially unprepared for so they whipped me in every way.
I find that many sliders are either raised in Christian homes, have been believers for a long time (but are sedentary in the church), or were saved very early in life. To my shame, I tend to identify with sliders. In a discussion with another believer years ago, he said it this way, "The Lord called me from my sin and I knew it was terrible. Now that I am born again I do not want to see or hear the things I used to do before I knew the Lord. I raised my children in the knowledge of the Lord and it seems they try to see how close to the edge they can walk without falling into all those things I ran from years ago."
With another believer I had the following conversation after I told him how I was born again, "I was born again later in life and my wife not long after me. I envy guys like you, you do not carry the terrible memories, the bad relationships, and scars of a life without Christ. Our son has grown up in the church and he desires to walk close to the things we left. It is as if he wants to experience for himself the horrors I try so hard to save him from."
The 'joke' in my family is that I never had a rebellious stage, according to them I always walked the straight and narrow. In retrospect, even in my attempts at rebellion, I was restrained by the Holy Spirit. I laugh (now) at how I sought to be "a little bad" and how I felt so convicted and violated when my college roommate smoked pot while I sat in the window to breathe the fresh air. The downside is I have carried a tonne of 'little' sins all this way all these years and boy they are stubborn!
Firstly, this is not to make excuses. Sliding is the unfortunate side effect of naiveté to the wreckful effects of sin. It is borne of the silliness that causes children to disregard the advice of parents and elders so that we can, 'make our own mistakes.' I figure when we came to faith we knew something was wrong and so we clung to the Lord and that should be enough, that should be brilliant! Rather our flesh always reminds us that we did not 'live.' Instead of freedom in Christ, we found a fence. I strive every day not to be lukewarm, to serve so that when I see the Lord he would not say to me, "I never knew you." But in this flesh, I am a slider among many things. I pray often that the Lord would save me from myself and foster in me a single-minded, non-compromising love for Him.
I find that many sliders are either raised in Christian homes, have been believers for a long time (but are sedentary in the church), or were saved very early in life. To my shame, I tend to identify with sliders. In a discussion with another believer years ago, he said it this way, "The Lord called me from my sin and I knew it was terrible. Now that I am born again I do not want to see or hear the things I used to do before I knew the Lord. I raised my children in the knowledge of the Lord and it seems they try to see how close to the edge they can walk without falling into all those things I ran from years ago."
With another believer I had the following conversation after I told him how I was born again, "I was born again later in life and my wife not long after me. I envy guys like you, you do not carry the terrible memories, the bad relationships, and scars of a life without Christ. Our son has grown up in the church and he desires to walk close to the things we left. It is as if he wants to experience for himself the horrors I try so hard to save him from."
The 'joke' in my family is that I never had a rebellious stage, according to them I always walked the straight and narrow. In retrospect, even in my attempts at rebellion, I was restrained by the Holy Spirit. I laugh (now) at how I sought to be "a little bad" and how I felt so convicted and violated when my college roommate smoked pot while I sat in the window to breathe the fresh air. The downside is I have carried a tonne of 'little' sins all this way all these years and boy they are stubborn!
Firstly, this is not to make excuses. Sliding is the unfortunate side effect of naiveté to the wreckful effects of sin. It is borne of the silliness that causes children to disregard the advice of parents and elders so that we can, 'make our own mistakes.' I figure when we came to faith we knew something was wrong and so we clung to the Lord and that should be enough, that should be brilliant! Rather our flesh always reminds us that we did not 'live.' Instead of freedom in Christ, we found a fence. I strive every day not to be lukewarm, to serve so that when I see the Lord he would not say to me, "I never knew you." But in this flesh, I am a slider among many things. I pray often that the Lord would save me from myself and foster in me a single-minded, non-compromising love for Him.
Why the Ents went extinct - love is us, not you and I.
Ent:
When Spring unfolds the beechen leaf, and sap is in the
bough;
When light is on the wild-wood stream, and wind is on
the brow;
When stride is long, and breath is deep, and keen the
mountain-air,
Come back to me! Come back to me, and say my land is
fair!
Entwife:
When Spring is come to garth and field, and corn is in
the blade;
When blossom like a shining snow is on the orchard
laid;
When shower and Sun upon the Earth with fragrance fill
the air,
I'll linger here, and will not come, because my land is
fair.
Ent:
When Summer lies upon the world, and in a noon of gold
Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees
unfold;
When woodland halls are green and cool, and wind is in
the West,
Come back to me! Come back to me, and say my land is
best!
Entwife:
When Summer warms the hanging fruit and burns the berry
When Straw is gold, and ear is white, and harvest
comest to town;
When honey spills, and apple swells, though wind be in
the West,
I'll linger here beneath the Sun, because my land is
best!
Ent:
When Winter comes, the winter wild that hill and wood
shall slay;
When trees shall fall and starless night devour the
sunless day;
When wind is in the deadly East, then in the bitter
rain
I'll look for thee, and call to thee; I'll come to thee
again!
Entwife:
When Winter comes, and singing ends; when darkness
falls at last;
When broken is the barren bough, and light and labour
past;
I'll look for thee, and wait for thee, until we meet
again:
Together we will take the road beneath the bitter rain!
Both:
Together we will take the road that leads into the
West,
And far away will find a land where both our hearts may
rest.
JRR Tolkien, The Two Towers
They, like many of us, did not make it to the last three stanzas.
When Spring unfolds the beechen leaf, and sap is in the
bough;
When light is on the wild-wood stream, and wind is on
the brow;
When stride is long, and breath is deep, and keen the
mountain-air,
Come back to me! Come back to me, and say my land is
fair!
Entwife:
When Spring is come to garth and field, and corn is in
the blade;
When blossom like a shining snow is on the orchard
laid;
When shower and Sun upon the Earth with fragrance fill
the air,
I'll linger here, and will not come, because my land is
fair.
Ent:
When Summer lies upon the world, and in a noon of gold
Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees
unfold;
When woodland halls are green and cool, and wind is in
the West,
Come back to me! Come back to me, and say my land is
best!
Entwife:
When Summer warms the hanging fruit and burns the berry
When Straw is gold, and ear is white, and harvest
comest to town;
When honey spills, and apple swells, though wind be in
the West,
I'll linger here beneath the Sun, because my land is
best!
Ent:
When Winter comes, the winter wild that hill and wood
shall slay;
When trees shall fall and starless night devour the
sunless day;
When wind is in the deadly East, then in the bitter
rain
I'll look for thee, and call to thee; I'll come to thee
again!
Entwife:
When Winter comes, and singing ends; when darkness
falls at last;
When broken is the barren bough, and light and labour
past;
I'll look for thee, and wait for thee, until we meet
again:
Together we will take the road beneath the bitter rain!
Both:
Together we will take the road that leads into the
West,
And far away will find a land where both our hearts may
rest.
JRR Tolkien, The Two Towers
They, like many of us, did not make it to the last three stanzas.
An attempt at return
I am convinced everything in my life should be labeled 'an attempt.' Here are a few examples:
- I am trying and often failing to be good - a good husband, employee, brother, friend, minister, etc.
- I started a blog yonks ago and I consistently forget it and return to it.
- So much is in fits, start-stop-forget-restart, do you remember the time I did interval training one day in a row? How about nightly devotions?
In speaking to and observing other people, most have a few things they do consistently. My wife is consistent with tardiness and brushing her teeth before bedtime. My brother is consistent at The Box. I have co-workers who are consistently early to come in, church members who are consistent in their seat location. The rest of our lives, however, is all an attempt at something we attain for a moment. It reminds me of learning to ride a bicycle. For most of us remember saying, "Look I am doing it, I am riding a...aaagh....oww!"
It is not about seeming humble or self-deprecation. It is about accuracy in the relaying of ideas.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Ministry is not God (with Scripture)
We are all called from our sin by the Gospel of Grace. Of the many called a few (the chosen) accept the free gift (1 Pet 2:9, Matt 22:14). According to God's pleasure, each of the chosen is given different spiritual gifts (Eph 4:7-13), different measures of faith (Rom12:3) and in light of those, each one has a different path to walk though we walk alongside one another and to the same destination (1 Cor 11:1). Like a track team on a bus, some run short distances and others run long distances, but we all run towards the same finish line. The Bible teaches us how we must live (2 Tim 3:16), how we must run the race (2 Tim 2:5) and in the running of the race all the gifts we were given come in handy BUT not for us, but for our service to others (Eph 4:7-13). If faith, faith is not for me, it is for the person running alongside me. If prayer it is so that I pray for them and not myself if a gift of teaching it is so I teach them and not for me (1 Cor 13*).
Teaching is a sticky one, but the same thing applies to any ministry - ministry is to God, for God, but it is NOT God. So as a minister of Jesus Christ, your place is to seek the Lord and He will supply the demands of the ministry (Matt 6:33). Sometimes, rather, often ministry will charge your life and take over so that you have little to no time to seek nourishment in the Lord. Sometimes ministers are so busy handing out the bread of life (Matt 14*, Jn 6:35) they do not take a mouthful themselves. Beware, for those who continue this way you will be destroyed by the ministry because you will harm if not lose your relationship with Christ and without that you are dangerous to the people you serve. Some have said ministers minister out of the ministry they have received from the Lord. Call me what you may, but my study of John's second letter does not go into the depth that my sermons on the same will cover. I might be wrong, but the personal study is vastly different from study to teach. I say instead ministers minister out of what they have received from the Lord because they sought Him concerning the sheep, but they need to seek Him for their own spiritual sustenance (Jn 6:35).
Seek first the kingdom of God to maintain a viable, lively, vital relationship with you, God. Then seek the kingdom of God concerning the sheep you serve. You have to do both or else you will die or poison the sheep. This applies to everyone regardless of your ministry in the church body/kingdom.
* - Scripture can be interpreted to apply to this situation.
Teaching is a sticky one, but the same thing applies to any ministry - ministry is to God, for God, but it is NOT God. So as a minister of Jesus Christ, your place is to seek the Lord and He will supply the demands of the ministry (Matt 6:33). Sometimes, rather, often ministry will charge your life and take over so that you have little to no time to seek nourishment in the Lord. Sometimes ministers are so busy handing out the bread of life (Matt 14*, Jn 6:35) they do not take a mouthful themselves. Beware, for those who continue this way you will be destroyed by the ministry because you will harm if not lose your relationship with Christ and without that you are dangerous to the people you serve. Some have said ministers minister out of the ministry they have received from the Lord. Call me what you may, but my study of John's second letter does not go into the depth that my sermons on the same will cover. I might be wrong, but the personal study is vastly different from study to teach. I say instead ministers minister out of what they have received from the Lord because they sought Him concerning the sheep, but they need to seek Him for their own spiritual sustenance (Jn 6:35).
Seek first the kingdom of God to maintain a viable, lively, vital relationship with you, God. Then seek the kingdom of God concerning the sheep you serve. You have to do both or else you will die or poison the sheep. This applies to everyone regardless of your ministry in the church body/kingdom.
* - Scripture can be interpreted to apply to this situation.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Ministry is not God
We are all called from our sin by the Gospel of Grace, but of the many called, a few (the chosen) accept the free gift. According to God's pleasure, each of the chosen is given different spiritual gifts, different measures of faith and in light of those, each one has a different path to walk though we walk alongside one another and to the same destination. Like a track team on a bus, some run short distances and others run long distances, but we all run towards the same finish line. The Bible teaches us how we must live, how we must run the race and in the running of the race all the gifts we were given come in handy BUT not for us, but for our service to others. If faith, faith is not for me, it is for the person running alongside me. If prayer it is so that I pray for them and not myself if a gift of teaching it is so I teach them and not for me.
Teaching is a sticky one, but the same thing applies to any ministry - ministry is to God, for God, but it is NOT God. So as a minister of Jesus Christ, your place is to seek the Lord (Matt 6:33) and He will supply the demands of the ministry. Sometimes, often ministry will charge your life and attempt to take over so that you have little to no time to seek nourishment in the Lord. Sometimes ministers are so busy handing out the bread of life they do not take a mouthful themselves. Beware, for those who continue this way you will be destroyed by the ministry because you will harm if not lose your relationship with Christ. Some have said ministers minister out of the ministry they have received from the Lord. Call me what you may, but my study of John's second letter does not go into the depth that my sermons on the same covers. I might be wrong, but personal study is vastly different from study to teach. Now, I say ministers minister out of what they have received from the Lord because they sought Him concerning the sheep.
Seek first the kingdom of God to maintain a viable, lively, vital relationship with you, God. Then seek the kingdom of God concerning the sheep you serve. You have to do both or else you will die or the sheep will die. This applies to everyone regardless of your ministry in the church body/kingdom.
Teaching is a sticky one, but the same thing applies to any ministry - ministry is to God, for God, but it is NOT God. So as a minister of Jesus Christ, your place is to seek the Lord (Matt 6:33) and He will supply the demands of the ministry. Sometimes, often ministry will charge your life and attempt to take over so that you have little to no time to seek nourishment in the Lord. Sometimes ministers are so busy handing out the bread of life they do not take a mouthful themselves. Beware, for those who continue this way you will be destroyed by the ministry because you will harm if not lose your relationship with Christ. Some have said ministers minister out of the ministry they have received from the Lord. Call me what you may, but my study of John's second letter does not go into the depth that my sermons on the same covers. I might be wrong, but personal study is vastly different from study to teach. Now, I say ministers minister out of what they have received from the Lord because they sought Him concerning the sheep.
Seek first the kingdom of God to maintain a viable, lively, vital relationship with you, God. Then seek the kingdom of God concerning the sheep you serve. You have to do both or else you will die or the sheep will die. This applies to everyone regardless of your ministry in the church body/kingdom.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Exerpt from [another] email conversation - I have good friends
Him: Why is thinking about your ministry a bad thing? Are you discouraged?
Me: I am always finding reasons to question God's choice of servant. It takes me a while to get back to God's conversation with Moses in Exod 4 and retain a sense of equilibrium. It is not about deserving it, I just want to be better and when [since] I am not (getting better) I become confused and anxious and I do not have as good a grip on grace as I would like [to see me through] such times (or maybe I am just normal).
Him: You're a healthy normal. There's, unfortunately, an unhealthy normal that thinks they are God's gift and deserve accolades and success for their service. We do well to remember that we are undeserving sinners and privileged to be called His own. To be called into His service is even more of an honor.
Lord, I want to go back, that is rarely a good thing. I am terrified of your calling and what it entails. I am willing to be made willing to go forth and do your will whatever it is. I ask for the grace to walk worthy of the calling of husband, church-member, and elder or pastor, I ask for the grace to enjoy the honor of service and that my wife, your people and I would glorify your name because of my good work.
Exerpt from an email to a friend...
Things with me are...confounding. I will tell you in an effort to sort through my thoughts. In advance I appreciate you being a 'willing' sounding board and would appreciate input: We have a guy teaching this January, a guy I am hoping the Lord would convince to stay. But...I see him rather helping me for a while and trying to mentor me. I see him permanently coming alongside to support us as a consultant or a coach - [which means] I would still have to be in the field playing.
I currently serve out of duty: I am here, I am capable, and I love the people enough to do this for them. I am not sure if those reasons are enough to carry one through this very difficult job. In addition, in my last four sermons were things I have not applied to my life because I don't want to; because I like my freedoms too much because I am unwilling to die or to surrender all. I will gladly be in a coma or surrender most, dying seems too difficult.
I currently serve out of duty: I am here, I am capable, and I love the people enough to do this for them. I am not sure if those reasons are enough to carry one through this very difficult job. In addition, in my last four sermons were things I have not applied to my life because I don't want to; because I like my freedoms too much because I am unwilling to die or to surrender all. I will gladly be in a coma or surrender most, dying seems too difficult.
Which makes me wonder, is our dying to the world and living in Christ a process or an instant? I think it is a process, I want it to be a process. If a process, then the question becomes am I dead enough to be a pastor - again serving out of duty. The few people I have told at work why I am so tired and what I do in my 'spare' time have been shocked. I cannot tell if it is a good shock - "I figured you were a believer I just did not realize you were so serious about the Lord!" or (like someone said to me in high school) "If you are a [pastor] then I have a really good chance to make it into heaven!"
My dad said my shortcomings are God's business. I should focus on the task at hand. I agree, but the biggest distraction from the task at hand are my shortcomings. That about sums it up. I am currently ok with closing the doors, but I am quite sure it is not because the Lord commands it.
My dad said my shortcomings are God's business. I should focus on the task at hand. I agree, but the biggest distraction from the task at hand are my shortcomings. That about sums it up. I am currently ok with closing the doors, but I am quite sure it is not because the Lord commands it.
Thanks for checking in. I partly apologize for the loadout...Keep well, my friend. May the Lord bless you richly.
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