You are not a very sharp sword if you question the hand that wields you.

Finished Job.  My conclusion: though we do take the liberty to say what we think, we frankly have neither case nor claim to stand on.  Job's sin was the lack of trust spelled out by his statements.  It is as if the sword asks the wielding hand, "Oy! Are you sure you know what you are doing?"  The sword could not teach the hand were it to reply, "Actually sword, I have no idea.  I am running an H2IK algorithm as we speak."  We should rather like (mature) children stand in trust saying, "Daddy knows what is best for me.  I do not know why things are the way they are, but I do know He has it all under control and He is doing everything He can for my benefit" and end there.  Mature children.  Wouldn't that be nice?

I think it was Corrie ten Boom who asked her dad about why God does not do things in advance and his response was along these lines (I paraphrase), "When we go on a train, when do I give you your ticket?"

Her response, "Just before we board."
"Why do I do that?" 
"Because I do not need the ticket anytime before that." 
"Exactly right.  The Lord will provide for us what we need exactly when we need it."

According to Glenn Kaiser, "if you seek Him you will be doing fine.  He'll meet your needs in the nick of time." - Nick of Time, on Live with special guest Dave Beagle.  

If I "know my redeemer lives [Job 19:25]," then I should also remember the same One "does not sleep or slumber [Ps 121:4]" and given that He "began a good work in [me, He] will be faithful to complete it [Phil1:6]."  So sit down, shut up and trust Him!

Do not avert your eyes from this pain

After starting graduate school I do not have the hours in a day to complete my daily activities - running, blogging, TV, games, reading, even house work.  In response I sleep less, I am not playing games, watching less TV and not blogging (except for the 620 blog).  And I stopped spending my time in the Word with my wife.  We noticed this was going on and revamped our efforts to keep reading the Word together, we are behind but reading at least double time to catch up the almost month we lost.  The Israelites are still in exile.  The major prophets have gone to be with their forefathers.  In an effort to encourage and challenge both sinful and devout Jews, the story of Job is shared. 


My favourite Bible books are Psalms, Ecclesiastes, Proverbs, Job and Lamentations (in no order).  They all augment and challenge my schizophrenic attributes (repression - Even a fool seems wise when he holds his tongue [Prov 17:28], better a house of mourning than a party [Ecc 7:2-4], devoted poetic - who may ascend the hill of the Lord…he who has clean hands and a pure heart [Ps 24:3-4], gross sinner - the Lord is in the right for I have rebelled against His Word [Lam 1:18], life is vanity - What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart? [Ecc 2:22]).    


Job is dear to me because I long for his level of contentment and devotion.  Job was blasted!  Stripped of everything but a life he did not want and a thoroughly confusing relationship with God.  I have had some rough seasons, nothing to Job's extent, but every time I want (and tend to) scold God and 'let Him have it because He wants me to be honest, and He can take it.'  Likely true, the accuracy of that statement is extremely suspect.  Job took it all, he spoke his mind to God with proper reverence.  He was mad.  But he held his place before a Holy God.  I love how he says, "I think I am right, but if I call God to court He will judge and I will be found at fault and He will be right…I wish there were an advocate between God and man…" (Job 9:1-3, 19, 33).  I found that glorious, Job actually asked for Jesus in his time of hardship!
  
Jesus is there for me, so here we are - grad school is tough, my finances are shot and getting worse.  I am tired and frustrated which leads me to sin; making grad. school worse and finances 'worser.'  Let's throw in the shame and guilt for good measure.  Reinforcing feedback loop of misery.  Though I pray for reprieve I really do not know what God is doing and how long it's going to take. When things get like this, I tend to run away, I shut down like Norah, "wake me up when it's over, wake me up when it's done.  When [He's] gone away and taken everything wake me up…today I am not so strong…"  


I begin to see now the error of that way.  Though I go through the trail, I am not paying attention to the Lord and what He is doing.  I retreat to hiding, ignore the issue until it has gone away and I am cleaning up after the storm.  The great loss of this tactic is this: I am unable to "...comfort others with the comfort [I, myself] have been comforted" (2 Cor 1:4).  I should face all of it.  Look at the whole scene.  I want to flinch and look away like at the crucifixion.  


We all cringe and shut our eyes and mentally distance ourselves from the horror of redemption.  We should rather keep looking so we can begin to comprehend the weight of the whole thing.  In addition, we will be able to relay the story accurately if we are called as witnesses.  Job could have shut down, cried all the time, kept stuffing his face, watched TV until his bum was round and his eyes square or whatever else we do to avert.  He would have learnt nothing of what he was supposed to.  We would not have his story, what a loss that would be?

Here then is the new song;

"don't turn away, don't give in to the pain don't try to hide, though they're screaming your name don't close your eyes, God knows what lies behind them don't turn out the light, never sleep never die" - Evanescence, Whisper

I want, like Job to focus on the Lord, maintain the righteousness inferred upon me by the blood of Christ and continue living in a manner that is pleasing to Him. I long to be humble and content in all this. I want two things: 

1. To say, "though there are no grapes on the vine or olives in the grove and no food in the fields...yet I will rejoice in the Lord" (Hab 3:17) 
2. And to hear Him say, "Well done good and faithful servant…" (Matt 5:21)