Work takes the fun out of the coolest jobs!

I walked into Morton's BMW totally thrilled! I was in the neighborhood and really wanted to be surrounded by Beemers. I was underwhelmed by the level of excitement in most of the staff then it hit me - they were at work, that terrible place many of us spend a third of our lives. I remembered how people (maybe two really) go, "You work at a hospital, that is SO COOL!" And I respond, "I show up, they pay me so I show up again.

Regret

I regret most everything. It is apparently my nightly ritual, before I go to bed every night I review my regrets for that day - a conversation, a thought, a missed opportunity, a...there is always something.

I am tempted to call Mom and ask her if I was ever a happy child but that would worry her. I do not recall ever being happy, giggling or just having a good time. My 'best' times are with other people and it feels like a front, I am out with friends I should be having a ball. I laugh when jokes are funny, I respond appropriately to all the stories until I look back on it and it is tainted. I get home and I am surly with those I 'love the most.' How does that happen? I get the whole introvert bit, I get things are not perfectly clear but come on man, smile at your wife!

I would like to enjoy life. I would like to have some non-regrettable fun while I live. I would like to think back in that final moment and in my mind's eye see a life well lived then maybe smile before I take my last breath.