Vanity

Vain;
1 : having no real value , idle, worthless
2 : marked by futility or ineffectualness, unsuccessful, useless

"Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher. Vanity of vanities. It is all vanity" - Ecc 1: 2 So whats a guy to do in light of this? How does one respond to the vanity, the futility, the resounding emptiness that Life is/was/can or will be?

Nothing. We hear the news, we see all this, we live through it and our hands hang limp. There is nothing we can do, if there was then it would not be futile then would it. So we give up?
Yes. I give up. I give up and let the Lord take it. He made it, He saw this whole mess and knows it from end to beginning. I will let Him have it. In the mean while I don't know what I will do with all the time and resources now at my disposal. SO the vanity persists, but with smaller issues this time.

Ha. Vanity of vanities. That Solomon was onto something there.

Why I run

It hurts.

I ran 10 miles today and it hurts, tomorrow is going to be interesting. The day after tomorrow is the worst, and it is my next training run. I run because I can. I run because it is something I am able to do, and I do OK at. Running pushes me to do more. That whole harder, better, faster (yes Daft Punk) thing. How will I find my boundaries if I do not go out and look for the fence?

Its fun. I do enjoy it, I would have stopped if I didn't. I can not put my finger on the fun part of it. The idea is fun, how do I define me - runner is one of my words. I like that. Not sure why.

I run for the same reason I went up the mountain. Ego. I like to do things that most people around me do not, cannot or will not do. Oh, I also like the health benefits. Its mostly ego and pain. The day after tomorrow I will do it again.

Because I can.

Loners

People will/should never be classified. We do not fit neatly in boxes like books or cigars. Slave ships tried stacking humans and killed quite a lot of them in the process. We need room, odd shaped spaces in which to live and stretch and be.

I tend to like to be alone. When not alone I would like to be surrounded by a select group, that selection may vary with my mood. I do not like crowds. I faced that fear by public speaking. I still do not like crowds. I do not easily attach to people, so most new to me would say I am aloof. I concur. It takes a lot to get close to me, mostly because I do not know how to be close. I am great at being emotionally vague and unaffected. It is easier. When I do attach I do not like the distance that time will surely bring, talked about this before.

It has come up because an old flame is recently engaged. I am thrilled for her, and the lucky dude. Why does part of me say with Ray, "It should have been me?" I rejected her - too little too late in the day I said to her. And prayed that she would love, really love. And here she has and I want a party invite, a place of honour and...what the..?

It is easier to be distant. Easier to be aloof. Easier not to care, for in caring I find unsavoury things.

One day I went to look for myself, what I found was disturbing.