Democracy works.

The folly of democracy is that it always succumbs to the law of averages. This is good if your average is focused on what is best for the whole, but the tragedy of the commons shows that the individual will most likely be focused on the needs of the individual. So while democracy so far works, it works in a downward spiral because the individuals making the system will not continue to do what is best for the system until the system crashes and they have to rebuild. Once it is rebuilt and improved you can be assured this cycle will recur in a few generations. 

Preparing to teach Esther 1 and contemplation on the folly of a "Christian nation"

You cannot legislate righteousness, it comes from the inside out. Obedience to legislature based on the Bible will mislead people into thinking they are obedient to the Word of God and thus safe from Hell. This is the folly of the Pharisees, “Lord we obey your law and then some!” 

It also breeds a society of people who because they are obedient to the laws of the land, consider themselves righteous before God, this is the folly of the Jewish nation, “We are the people whose nation is founded on the Word of God!” Salvation is an individual decision that causes a heart change and manifests itself in behavior change and a more law abiding society. It does not come from obeying the law, “grace through faith, not of works so no man can boast (Ephisians 2:8).

Xerxes and his drunken cronies tried to legislate respect of husbands, respect is given and earned, the moment it is forced it is no longer respect but rather subordination and that is NOT right for a marriage relationship.

Introverted

I once sent an email with the subject line "Introverts of the world unite!!" I find it funny because it is oxymoronic to think of introverts gathered in a field planning a revolution. I am an introvert who spent Thanksgiving weekend with friends and family being persistently and heartily social. Now I am back at home and need to rest from my vacation. The sad bit is, my wife pays for it. She always wants to spend time with me but I am currently exhausted by human contact. I could do with a hug though.

One of my favorite poems

I always wonder if I am a 'good' measure of ambitious or a rather greedy malcontent. Either way, I think I get what Rainer was on about in this piece: there are those who want and work towards it, there are those who are lazy. Like I, Rainer prefers the hard workers because they know to want and will not cease to look for more from life. I just do not want to be a greedy malcontent, not ever. I just do not know how to determine that 'mile marker'.  

You see, I want a lot

Rainer Maria Rilke

Perhaps I want everything:
the darkness that comes with every infinite fall
and the shimmering blaze of every step up.

So many live on and want nothing,
and are raised to the rank of prince
by the slippery ease of their light judgments.

But what you love to see are faces
that do work and feel thirst.

You love most of all those who need you
as they need a crowbar or a hoe.

You have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret.

Rainer Maria Rilke / The Book of the Hours
(translated by Robert Bly: German)

Do you ever 'feel' rested?: excerpt of an email to a good friend

"Do you ever 'feel' rested? I think I am a wimp for saying this (because you have a LOT more going on than I do), I feel like a thin cloth with very little left before structural failure. I like to think that is where His strength is made perfect, but sometimes I wonder if that is accurate. You guys (and others) have repeatedly told me to rest [after graduate school], but I wonder if I am able to. Physical inactivity and hours of brain candy are not necessarily resting."

I was reminded of Bilbo Baggins in The Fellowship of the Ring (movie), "I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday." 

The holiday I was taking before the email helped, but it takes ever-shortening times at work and all of life to get back to that thin feeling. It is as if 'thin' is the equilibrium state the system desires.

In your analysis, what am I passionate about?

I asked my closest friends to tell me what they thought I was passionate about. Here is the list in no particular order:
1. Internal combustion engines - cars, motorcycles
2. The Lord and His kingdom, the Church
3. Family, and solving their problems

So, in case anyone asks, or I forget...I am passionate about a few things. I will add education to the list, I do love me some book learning.

He carpe diem-ed the day and throttled it to boot!

On Sickness, Death and Grief.

I do not know if we can do it different, because it is so ingrained in our culture but I do not like our response to death. When someone falls ill, we are sad for them and wish them all the best, speedy recovery and all that. We try in whatever our capacity to care for and remind them they are cared for. The longer the illness persists sometimes this supports wanes. It makes sense, life carries on at the speed of time in spite of our loved one's illness. Bills have to be paid, work attended, kids cared for and clothed etc. At this time we, maybe just I, tend to be lax in providing support and prayer. Which is sad because the next thing you hear is, "So-'n-so is in the hospital, their condition has deteriorated." The fervency returns and in a few days or weeks, they are deceased then we are sad and all broken up because our dearly beloved is no longer with us.

Might I be so bold as to contrast with David who while his son (who was 'scheduled' to die) lived and struggled with illness the man would not eat, he spent his time in prayer on behalf of the child. After the boy died, he got up, cleaned up and went about his usual life. He did this for the boy, he wanted the boy to live.

There is excessive emotion and grief at death, because I think we should be more emotional and grieved in the sickness that leads to death. Once dead our loved ones in the Lord are in a perfect place. Yes, we may grieve to not see them for a while, but that grief should be brief. There is more need for grief while they lie in a sick bed. I just think the whole thing is lopsided. Grief at death is for us, we want them back, we want them around - we/me. In grieving during illness like David we grieve ourselves in the hope that the Lord may have mercy and spare their life - them/others. See where I am going?

A co-worker died yesterday, as hurt as I am by her death I am more hurt because I did not hurt while she was ill for months. I prayed for her, but not as much as I could have. Working in health care I am learning there is no 'temporary' illness. It is stupid not to assume any sickness is unto death, and yet it is morbid to assume all sickness is unto death. This is not for me a call to balance, but to lopsidedness. A call to care more, grieve more, pray more while people live. For when they die they are dead. Maybe, the excess of grief at death is because we all mourn with regret for not being more engaged while one lived. I am sure there is not a single answer.

An encouraging thought on my fight against sin, because I keep going back and new ones keep coming up and I get really tired and bogged down at times thinking the Cross missed a few things; I know my sin is not unique, but it sometimes feels like God cannot handle it (I know it sounds preposterous) but I do think that sometimes so...

"Our fight against sin is noble and good, but make no mistake: we are not fighting to be righteous. We already are righteous. We are simply learning to live outwardly like the person we are inwardly." Judah Smith
Because we died to sin in Christ and are resurrected in Him.
Because the old is gone and the new has come, we are new (righteous) creations with infections/parasites/invaders (sin)
Because we are Christ's and if He is light and in Him is no darkness, yet He is aligned to me then I am not a wicked sinner who is sometimes good (though it looks that way), I am actually the converse, a righteous man who is sometimes sinful.
It does feel like semantics, brain training, and wordplay, but I get it and I know it is not.

Please Sir, may I have enough?

I have talked about contentment before, the need to settle. I found myself thinking of it in a different word - satisfaction. I was praying that the Lord would satisfy me, that my job, my wife, my life would be enough. It is strange to point this out but worthwhile; I am not necessarily asking for more, I only want enough you see. But then I wonder, is the satisfaction a moving target such that enough today is not adequate in a month? With the money, I can see that happening. What about with the rest of it? Does my marital, spiritual, social, recreational satisfaction depreciate like the dollar or my tangible toys? Or do their immaterial nature exclude then from reduction? 

If it were enough I should enjoy it more, right? And I would know it is enough, it is all I can handle and that would be great. How could one ask for more? Right now I always wonder if it can be different, better and how. I just want to be okay, to have enough, to have serenity concerning all of it. I do not know how to get there from here.

~     O     ~

"I want the frim fram sauce with the oss and fay, and shifafa on the side." -

lyric by Redd Evans sung by Nat King Cole.

“You see, I want a lot.

Perhaps I want everything:

the darkness that comes with every infinite fall

and the shivering blaze of every step up.

So many live on and want nothing...”

- Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God

I have never seized a day in life apparently!

The wonderful works of Mr Bill Watterson. Great show Sir, marvelous work indeed!

Relax!

"Hey man, relax, take it easy!"

"How does one do that? I am convinced I am like a shark, if I stop swimming I will surely sink. The sea would not carry my stagnant weight, would it? No, it’s not that I think I am so substantial. The sea is just complex and unpredictable - what if I am in a pocket of fresh water, it's not a buoyant as the salty. It could happen! I honestly do not know how to relax right now, it seems I totally forgot."

 

Pointless

When I finished 7th grade, I knew I was headed to secondary school. When I finished 4th form, I knew I was going to high school by hook or by crook. When I finished 6th form, things got complicated...I could not immediately get into university; my grades were not good enough and the school was closed for a while. I tried other things and became introspective which led to despondent. I got some work to do and recklessly threw myself into it. I would not eat, did not sleep well, I injured myself over and over…eventually I made it into university then I left the country and blah blah blah.

After I graduated college I had a job lined up, I got my first raise before I started the job - pretty rad, right? I worked that job and have never looked for a job since then. My next job was offered to me. Given this history, now that I finished graduate school with nothing to do next I hearken back to my post high school despondency. But this time I am 'wise' enough to look at the whole picture and find myself once again pointless.

History was written in blood and ink, both pens and swords need keen points to be effective. I think they bore the term 'pointless'. Who writes with a blunt quill? Who wars with a dull blade? Only a utter fool. I have few friends, and some of those few have terrible struggles, but I do not cause them to hope in the Lord. In effect I give them nothing worthwhile. I guess my many 'non-friends' figured this out and sought better company. I told my wife we got married so that we help each other become better servants of Christ…wow! I believe that statement, I just do not always live it. If I am not serving the Lord with all my being then what am I worth? So it makes sense that everything else in life loses flavor. What good is a blunt quill or a dull sword?

Almighty God, only you can raise the dead. You raised a living army out of dry bones, I am one man. Make of me something useful to your kingdom, do with me something of eternal worth. Be my point!

Lord Jesus, you said you came so that we may have life to the full. You also said also your plans are to give us a future and a hope. Breathe your breath of Life in me that I would live fully, live with hope and purpose. Draw me in that I would find You when I seek You, and focus my heart that it would desire only You. I am tired of floundering I am so very tired of the way I am.

Ezekiel 37:1-14

Jeremiah 29:11-13

John 10:10

How to pick a god by Dummies Part 1

When I was a little kid I went to visit my mom's uncle with my (even littler) brother. We slept in his son's room since he was away. We had a great time! I most likely enjoyed any time I was not at home. My brother found a test tube with some silver liquid in the bottom. It was crazy stuff, looked like metal but was liquid (did not know it yet). As we played it was getting colder and there seemed to be less and less of it, I told you crazy right? We cracked the test tube and tried to pick it up. It fell in little beads and for some we thought we could, but try as we might we could not pick it up with our hands, just when you thought you had a grip, it reminded you it was a liquid. Mercury. Crazy stuff!

So you want to find a god. This is an excellent thing for one to do, also very important. This is nothing like picking a shirt in a clearance rack or a ripe melon from your local Stuff-Mart. A good god will be served by you, for your benefit for a long time. Some even promise eternity, which means for ever. Here is what we advise, be reminded this list is not exhaustive and I will share why here shortly:

Exhaustive
A good deity is beyond cataloging, i.e there will never be a complete list of his/her attributes. They (the deity) should be infinite, not big, but HUGE! Mystery is good to add in here too. Who wants a deity they can figure out in a week? Get a DVD player, you can know its ins and outs and you can give it your life for a few hundred dollars. A deity needs to be totally incomprehensible though partly comprehensible.

DomainNo one wants some little league local power. That will be like a regional cellphone company, you are in a world of hurt if your car breaks out of state, you have to wait until dark to use the free nighttime minutes. When it comes to deity, you need constant access anywhere. This ensure great reception, when you are in a fix, help is at hand. When you need to say something that can't wait, you can say it. No more waiting until you get back home.

A nerd thinks about the Lord

I fancied that the Lord worked on miniatures of all his creations.  He tested them and made sure all the flagella would work properly, and the tendons and nerves would go through the foramen and fissures.  In my mind He did this just for fun, because His prototype was "very good" (Genesis 1:31).

AW Tozer believes He spoke it all into being.  So His canvas was in His great mind.  His models created at the speed of thought - God's thoughts.  When He said, "Let us make men in our own image," (Genesis 1:26) in the time it took to think it He had fashioned the nervous system that we are still trying to figure out.  He had worked out how potassium would move in and out of the cells, how ATP would be made, what elements would be in the human form, the immune system, the simple wonder of DNA, metabolic pathways, eye sight, and speech - astounding, don't you think?  

It gets better, He only said it once: "Let there be lights in the sky to separate day from night," (Genesis 1:14) and there were the sun, moon and stars.  Each with their individual properties, their life spans, their secrets and mystique. Whereas lesser gods speak again and again to keep things moving, the Almighty spoke once and when next He speaks to the lights in the sky again it is to blot out the sun, cast the stars to the earth and roll up the sky like a scroll (Revelation 6:12-14).  He only speaks to change it, because the Word He spoke initially is so mighty, so eternal.  

So He said, "The LORD is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and rich in love and truth, maintaining faithful love to a thousand generations, forgiving wrongdoing, rebellion and sin" (Exodus 4: 6-7).  He said, "[I have] plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29: 11). Know that He who said this is faithful, He is Truth and He is Love, and He knows that we are weak and wretched.  That we are dust, doomed to fail.  But He said it all (and more) anyway.  Whenever you doubt Him, when fear overtakes you, think on these things and as long as the sun rises, the moon and stars shine, as long as day gives way to night, be encouraged - His Word is still in effect.  And so is His love for us.

Help my unbelief

I watched a movie called "The Island"; the story of a Russian monk who continuously pranks his fellow monks, breaks rules and is haunted by a sin of his youth for which he constantly prays for forgiveness. He desires to help people, but has some weird ideas of how to do that. I quit the movie when he burned his superior's shoes and started acting too crazy. According to the excerpt, he is lo plagued by the thought that he is a fraud - he is instrumental in some miracles and his prayers for people are answered, but here he is an insolent, chronic jerk!

The world wants to see the perfection of Christ in us. I want the same for myself, but when we fail we are 'hypocrites' for preaching what we cannot do. I speak as a man - I agree. The rub, however is that Christ in us compels the desire for what is good and right in spite of our inability to always deliver. Paul discusses this in Romans chapter 7. The redeemed of the Lord desire to do His will, but we are bound to sin by our flesh. Peter writes in 1 Peter 2:11 that the desires of the flesh "wage war"against the desires of the Spirit of the Lord in us. Paul says in Romans 7:24-25 "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" It is difficult to comprehend how God can calls us to be His representatives in the Earth and leaders in His body when He knows full well our short-comings which will hinder the mission. I would not pick me, but He did. I am not a good person! I am lazy and rebellious. I am self centered and petty. I am twisted and callous. He knows my potential for good and evil...yet He still calls me and daily draws me closer to Him. I know my reasonable response - serve Him with all my heart, soul and mind, become a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1), I also know (to my severe shame) how often the sacrifice will walk off the altar and off the reservation then come back to its senses and repent only to do it all again and again and again and again. 

As the father in Mark 9:24 said, "I believe Lord, but help my unbelief." I believe that you called me to be your ambassador upon the Earth, a spiritual leader in my home and a leader in your local body, but help my unbelief that You would choose me of all people. I believe, but help my unbelief.

Job satisfaction

I disc-ed a field for Micah one day after work and the sense of accomplishment was quite astounding. I think all paper pushers should have fields or farms or something so we can 'see' what we did...or is it an exercise of faith - coming into a messy desk and leaving a messy desk but knowing that we did something productive?

In all honesty I think I would like to get out of hospitals. Healthcare - yes, maybe but not a hospital. More and more I find that nurses and doctors care about infection control as long as it does not interfere with what they do. And I feel that despite our best efforts all we are is a source of 'corporate sanctioned  interference' that everyone has to pretend to get along with. The sad bit is I play the engaged employee part so well...

Mr Bill

Mr Bill Freeman died on April 7th 2013 in Princeton, WV.

Chris Vanover said about him, "This is one of my heroes. Not an ounce of bitterness or unforgiveness though he had a thousand painful reasons. I have rarely met one so genuine. He never met a stranger, was intelligent, witty, and always encouraged me to get closer to Jesus. Full of awful puns and dedicated to prayer. Today he left the shell behind and went to Jesus."

I agree. I would like to add that we often speak of prayer as a small thing, a token help because I cannot do anything else. The reality of taking someone's petitions before the throne of the Most High God who sits there eager to hear and act upon those petitions; He who is quick to act on behalf of those who worship Him in spirit and in truth; the Lord of Hosts who created all that is in existence at the speed of thought - that is the absolute most you can do for anyone!
Once upon a time I longed for friends with material resources. Without my recognizing His goodness, the Lord instead introduced me to people like Mr Bill who would gladly and consistently pray for me, take my petitions before the Most High God. I had in that time ALL I needed. 
Lord, may I be 'Mr Bill' to the people you have placed in my life.

What graduate school taught me

1. How to read a whole book in a week
2. How to paraphrase others' research to match my own
3. That I never enjoy the moment. I complete the task at hand and I immediately start preparing for the next one. There is no celebration; there is barely a pause, just a brief moment of relief, an exhalation and then "moving on."

Sit down!

Whenever I get close to Life, sin punches me in the face and yells, "Sit down son!" I fall into the pit dazed and sometimes I immediately stand up again. Other times however, I just sit down.

Waking thought

People are born and begin to decay and die. Some cannot sleep because they have to see that which kills them.
Is he a fool who dies in his sleep or the one who lies awake to greet his end?

Fighting words

I have said before, I sometimes wish our battle was against flesh and blood until I remember my relative cowardice. Physical pain is perhaps less painful than emotional pain, and a physical blow to a foe more satisfying than a spiritual one. I do not know, I am not convinced of this. It is just a flight of fancy.

Anyway, in keeping with the fact that those in Christ are enemies of the world  and are embroiled in an already won battle, but a battle all the same I come up with and seek 'fighting words' when things get thick. They are quoted or my random thoughts and that is all!

In one of my favorite anime shows, Bleach this kid's sword says in the middle of a battle, "It is fear that cripples you, but what is there to fear? Abandon your fears, look at what is in front of you and march onwards, never stop. For the day you stop you will decay and die, if you succumb to fear you are already dead!"
 - Nice huh?

My own, "Behold your doom and despair!" - a despotic bit I would say before I start raining pain on someone (or something).

After all is said and imagined, it is by the Lord that I am victorious. It is not by my hand or my bow, but the Lord.

Growing in Grace

I was reminded a few days ago that my most successful times have been when I was way beyond my depth and I said daily, "Lord, I cannot do this!"
Maturing faith is not growing up to trust yourself, but rather growing up to the daily realization you desperately need more and more of Jesus' Grace.

Thanks for the scripture EM. I am definitely growing in His Grace.