Ghosts

I have 'loved' four women in my life.  One I married, another I broke, the other woke up too late and the first, well she 'died'.  She is the only one who does not haunt me.  Is it because I was a kid; it was ages ago?  When we saw each other after we were done we were just two people meeting.  Just thinking of the other two ruins my heart!I have had many 'friends' over the years. Some superficial, others I have been through so much with they were family.

Yes, there is that whole first love thing I talked about years ago, but why do they come up when they do.  It seems very random that I think, "I wonder how she is doing?"  WHY DO I CARE?  Seriously, why?  I say I want to be a heartless fiend and that is mostly true, because of such situations - people come and people go, and it takes so much to get close and hurts so much when they go.  Forgive the pity party, but when it comes to 'friendly call backs' I have terrible numbers.  I find that I chase most of my 'friends' except for maybe four, one I live with, another I am related to, the other lives in the neighborhood and the other is, well more friendless than I - we are the bottom of the barrel.

My question is, since they all chose not to call or write, why do I care?  Why do they pop up, why do I sit down for dinner with all these ghosts?  Why do I even feel like making contact?  Sometimes they answer, and I am told 'we were just talking about you'  and 'we are ever so glad to hear from you, we should talk some more soon, I will give you a call' and that is the end of it.  Who is the dummy here? Fine lines separate a lost friend from a bother and a straight stalker.

Why do I care? This makes me mad!

Anger reset

I have been increasingly unhappy and frustrated lately.  So I asked someone more well adjusted that I what they did to reset after they are frustrated or angered.  We all have to do it, because you cannot take grumpy to work, our spouses and friends do not like grumpy either.  No one likes grumpy!  So when grumpy comes out, you have to reset the system, send him back to sleep.

My well adjusted role model plays it just like me (shocker!) - I find things to get engrossed in.  Things to distract me until I forget grumpy is out and grumpy forgets why he even came out.  I usually ran, or worked out some other way, rode my bicycle, took an angry hike - all things I am unable to do because of my hip surgery.

Life is tasteless man!  Nothing is good, and that is frustrating me more. I am circling a drain to I guess a higher level of grumpy-pants than I have attained.  It makes me lose grip on things; my anger makes it easier to sin.  I do admit I have not done this one thing - read the Bible. Maybe I should do that instead of everything else.  All I want is to feed it so that it explodes and it goes away.  I think when I pack it or distract it keeps a record and maybe one day I will go nuclear.

I think stogies helped, I am not sure.  I'll read the Bible, see what happens.

Tired and bored

I finally picked a thesis topic; really have not made much progress I think.  I am stuck.
I finally fell prey to that sin again. I saw it unfold and did nothing to stop it, I just let it happen.
I am finally caught up at work, but you know work.  There will be another pile there on Monday.


Tired 
of barren strife
Once
activity alone
was enough.
I am Old
now
I desire
Progress.

Tongue twisters

http://americanfolklore.net/folklore/tongue-twisters/ 


I thought a thought, but the thought I thought I thought was not the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought was the thought I thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

The stuff birds say

"Said the robin to the sparrow, 'I should really like to know why these anxious human beings rush about and worry so.? Said the sparrow to the robin, 'Friend, I think that it must be that they have no Heavenly Father such as cares for you and me.'"