Him: Why is thinking about your ministry a bad thing? Are you discouraged?
Me: I am always finding reasons to question God's choice of servant. It takes me a while to get back to God's conversation with Moses in Exod 4 and retain a sense of equilibrium. It is not about deserving it, I just want to be better and when [since] I am not (getting better) I become confused and anxious and I do not have as good a grip on grace as I would like [to see me through] such times (or maybe I am just normal).
Him: You're a healthy normal. There's, unfortunately, an unhealthy normal that thinks they are God's gift and deserve accolades and success for their service. We do well to remember that we are undeserving sinners and privileged to be called His own. To be called into His service is even more of an honor.
Lord, I want to go back, that is rarely a good thing. I am terrified of your calling and what it entails. I am willing to be made willing to go forth and do your will whatever it is. I ask for the grace to walk worthy of the calling of husband, church-member, and elder or pastor, I ask for the grace to enjoy the honor of service and that my wife, your people and I would glorify your name because of my good work.
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