Total surrender to God

"The salvation of God is deliverance out of self entirely into union with Himself"
Chambers, O. (1986). My utmost for his highest: Selections for the year. Grand Rapids, MI: Oswald Chambers Publications; Marshall Pickering.

Why do I find it so difficult to surrender to you, Lord? Why do I struggle, why do I shy away from you whom I profess to love, you whom I have walked with for such a long time, you on whom I have depended in my darkest and brightest hours, why do I shudder against this one thing?

Have I not been surrendered to you up to now? Have I walked my own path only to call upon you at my convenience? Or have I been surrendered for a time, but then reclaimed my independence from your reign?

Why here, why now? Why would I refuse union with you? This makes no sense to me.

"We flag when there is no vision, no uplift..."

I am flagged all the way to the ground. I have no vision, no drive, no strength for the next step. Devotions today were a miracle. I currently say, "I was so beaten up, so shell-shocked by my last battle I do not want to fight anymore. The reality of the Christian life, however, is that there is no end to the battle. Until one dies, to live is Christ (Phil 1:21) and that life is lived in an enduring battle against the flesh, the world and the devil. It will not end.

What is a shell-shocked butter-bar to do? Live, looking to God, trusting that the author and finisher of your faith (Heb 12:1-3) will, without a doubt keep that which you have entrusted to Him until that day (2 Tim 1:12). To live is Grace. To live is to "ask God to keep the eyes of your Spirit open to the Lord of Hosts, help me! Give me the grace to keep my eyes on Jesus, give me the grace to seek your face fervently in of vision, spectator and uplift. Give me the grace to be wholly yours in this invisible time."

For the testing of you and me

They were for the testing of Israel, to know whether Israel would obey the commandments of the Lord , which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses. Judges 3:4 ESV http://bible.com/59/jdg.3.4.ESV

Testing in the Bible means proving; so unlike our juvenile perspective from which teachers test us in order to fail us or show us how little we know, the reality of the Lord is that He tests us to show what we are capable of (I think most of our teachers have the same goal too). We desire comfort and control. We always will. The Lord desires trust and submission - the Spirit and the Flesh will always be at odds with each other (Gal 5:17). Recognize that this thing the Lord did was actually 'done' by Israel's choices - providence.

There are things I would eradicate from existence - ticks, mosquitoes, domestic cats, pornography, child molesters, same-sex attraction and drug addiction to name a few. But the Lord of Love has allowed these evils and annoyances to flourish in our midst for our testing, to know whether you and I would obey the commands of the Lord. He wants us to succeed, He wants us to resist them - for every temptation the Lord provides (a righteous) way of escape (1 Cor 10:13). Oswald Chambers said today, "No struggling or praying will enable you to stop doing some things..." Saddening, because there is much I would love to lose, but they are for the testing of me, they are for the proving of me.

Will we obey? Will we pass the test? Not every day, sometimes not even most days. Who will save us from this body of death? Thanks be to God through the cross of Jesus Christ!

On to the next thing

"Jesus Christ comes and says—‘Sleep on now, that opportunity is lost for ever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the next thing.’" - My Utmost for his Highest.

When the apostles slept through Jesus' anguished prayer time, He woke them up twice to no avail. They needed to stay awake for His sake and theirs. Their friend and master was facing death and they were on the threshold of the worst heartbreak of their lives. They should have been preparing in prayer, in spiritual training camp, but like me (more often than I care to admit) they slept. How would Jesus respond?

"Get up guys, let us go to the next thing." Wow!! No berating, no chastising, no guilt-tripping or sage advice. Rather, like Chambers said, (I paraphrase) "You missed it, but do not get bogged down by your failure,  get up and throw all into the next thing." I want that heart! I berate myself at every turn and often so much I have no steel to keep moving. Like Paul said, "Forgetting what is behind I press forward." We goofed today, so prepare to turn the trend tomorrow. "Arise and go to the next thing," he said. What love!

The just shall live by faith

Whenever the insistence is on the point that God answers prayer, we are off the track. The meaning of prayer is that we get hold of God, not of the answer. - My Utmost for His Highest

Children (the really cute, little ones) do not go to the oven when they want bread, they go to their parents. This is Chambers' point. He goes on to say that we look for signs, wonders and displays of God's power without recognizing the Eternal God in the mundane, the commonplace, because the just, the righteous man is recognized not by his astute reading of signs and wonders, but by his astute reading and believing in the Word of God. And that dejection comes from the disappointment of our lust for an on demand-God. When God does not respond to us when and how we would like when answers are not produced when we demand. Like the child is dejected when they demand (as the cute little imps are wont to do) candy and receive fruit instead, we too are dejected when we demand and do not receive or we (on our better days) demand good and receive best (foolish little humans!)

Hab 2:4, Rom 1:17, Heb 10:38
The Bible says in the above verses, the just/righteous man shall live/be known by his faith. The just, righteous men of old were followed by signs and wonders, but not for their benefit. Moses was given the sign of the staff-serpent and the leperous hand for the benefit of the Hebrews and for Pharaoh. Jesus performed miracles for the people's benefit, not to prove himself. The righteous man is known by his faith because he does not seek or ask God to prove Himself, he trusts what he knows of the Lord and believes the Lord will see him through until the day of Christ. Asking God to prove Himself especially on this side of the Cross is a travesty and a sure sign of the absence of faith.  "Give us this day our daily bread" is and should be our prayer. After praying it, we believe it and go about life with the conviction that our daily bread will be provided. When we cannot see it we call out to the Lord and seek his face. And the Lord said to Aaron, “You shall have no inheritance in their land, neither shall you have any portion among them. I am your portion and your inheritance among the people of Israel. (Num 18:20 ESV) The inheritance of God's peculiar people, his kingdom of priests is God himself. He is our daily bread, we do not go to the oven for bread, we go to God.

God makes it very clear in the life and times of King David, Queen Esther, and others that he is Almighty sovereign in the mundane. These two examples saw no miraculous miracles in their lives, yet they saw the hand of God in their lives. We ought to be pleased to live as they did, by faith and not by signs.

Church News

The elders met on Dec 18th and we decided it was time to close the church. It was sad/painful, but a relief of sorts. I still do not know how I feel about the whole thing. I am excited but sad. I am relieved but worried. I am not worried, but I am, just as I was ready to stay and ready to leave all at the same time. Complex times.

Many people have offered prayers on my behalf for the Lord to "strengthen you during this difficult transition." Again, some days I am relieved and the rest of the days I am bracing for the difficulty.

Lord helps us, all of us at CCMR.

Today I feel...

I have always been confused...it sometimes gets worse. Everyone at church thinks I am doing well, they think 'this thing of ours' is going well (I hope not!) I do not think it is going well and I am going down with it. I am not sure what the Lord wants me to do. Do I stay or do I go? Do I stop or do I continue?
Like this guy, but not as enthused. Not as amusing. He does make me smile. Smiling is good.