Total surrender to God

"The salvation of God is deliverance out of self entirely into union with Himself"
Chambers, O. (1986). My utmost for his highest: Selections for the year. Grand Rapids, MI: Oswald Chambers Publications; Marshall Pickering.

Why do I find it so difficult to surrender to you, Lord? Why do I struggle, why do I shy away from you whom I profess to love, you whom I have walked with for such a long time, you on whom I have depended in my darkest and brightest hours, why do I shudder against this one thing?

Have I not been surrendered to you up to now? Have I walked my own path only to call upon you at my convenience? Or have I been surrendered for a time, but then reclaimed my independence from your reign?

Why here, why now? Why would I refuse union with you? This makes no sense to me.

"We flag when there is no vision, no uplift..."

I am flagged all the way to the ground. I have no vision, no drive, no strength for the next step. Devotions today were a miracle. I currently say, "I was so beaten up, so shell-shocked by my last battle I do not want to fight anymore. The reality of the Christian life, however, is that there is no end to the battle. Until one dies, to live is Christ (Phil 1:21) and that life is lived in an enduring battle against the flesh, the world and the devil. It will not end.

What is a shell-shocked butter-bar to do? Live, looking to God, trusting that the author and finisher of your faith (Heb 12:1-3) will, without a doubt keep that which you have entrusted to Him until that day (2 Tim 1:12). To live is Grace. To live is to "ask God to keep the eyes of your Spirit open to the Lord of Hosts, help me! Give me the grace to keep my eyes on Jesus, give me the grace to seek your face fervently in of vision, spectator and uplift. Give me the grace to be wholly yours in this invisible time."