What is abundant life?

I have always argued with John 10:10, “…but I came so that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” My argument is quite short. It begins with a question, “Has this abundant life been delivered or is it something I should be checking my spiritual mailbox for daily?” A day before my friend’s son had his birthday he went to the mailbox several times because the little ‘old soul’ wanted birthday cards. Should I be like that or did I miss the delived to pick it up at the post office that, conveniently, is open from 0945-1150 and then from 1410-1555 on days beginning with T, closed on Wed and the first quarter shift and last half shift on Friday. In the absence of a satisfactory answer, my argument continues, “If THIS is abundant life, maybe you should have used a different word.” My concept of abundance should be a mite compared to the abundance promised by the God “who is able to do unimaginably more than we can ask or imagine according to his power in us.” I should not be able to even begin to match that, right? Then why so empty? Why so downcast? And does it help to put your hope in God, because honestly sometimes He does not deliver!

This is a periodic struggle for me. I never remember how I breech it, I do know that most times there was no actual breech, I got so frustrated I wallowed in sin and was distracted by repentance and rebuilding that I did not have to face this question. I have done a better job of refraining this time around…so here I am…three weeks of wanting to punch something and bite it’s head off because I should have abundant life but it’s experience is anemic at best. It’s sad when you think you are going all out and burning ‘it,’ but you find out you are lukewarm at best.

I do not remember much of my life before Christ and his abundance. I have always known I had hope, no situation was ever entirely hopeless. I have always known there was a help and way out of every mess, even if it included proverbial evisceration. I have always known an undeniable love I am short of words to explain. I have such a company of friends and people to call on - you know, I can go to most places in the world and find other Christians who will throw in with me at the drop of a hat because I confess Christ’s death and resurrection! David (Ps32:2) and Peter (Rom 4:7) both recognized the joy of being released from the judgment of sin, of being free from the sentence due to all sinners. No one outside of Christ has such riches!! I see abundance here, not the type I expected, but there are riches here beyond the horizon. 

Last but not least, I was reminded of a couple I know who were saved from drugs, alcohol and all round debauchery, the old ‘party life-style.’ Not long after salvation and marriage he had health problems that have persisted for over a decade. Every intervention has led to more and more issues. She is the breadwinner and barely hanging on financially, physically and emotionally. Yet I have seen him smile through the pain. I have seen them laugh as if all was well. I have heard them confess their love for the Lord in spite of all this. I thought to myself, “If the God you serve and you say loves you so much gives you such a raw deal – you were fine before you served him, now you do and here you are – how can you love him so much? It makes no sense!” The I was reminded, Luke7:47, “who is forgiven much loves much.” In their previous love which looked so fun and wonderful they knew no hope, little love, no peace, everything was transient and depended on the next fix and the next wild-out. In my experience the thrill of the next wild-out lasts a moment and is followed by such hollowness so you seek another…now though they struggle they know that undeniable love, though they hurt they know that hope, though their bodies are failing they know life – that is the abundance. Job 25, Hab 3 – both these guys saw it and knew it: my redeemer lives (and as long as he lives I will be saved, this will not consume me!); though there is nothing to show for all my effort, though I should cry and wail I will not, because there is more here than meets the eye. Paul’s discourse on treasures in clay pots comes to mind. The pots are fragile, cracked and under pressure, yet the treasure in them is so noble it causes them to endure intact. So while my friends suffer, they rejoice because in light of all that they have in Christ their present sufferings are minor. That is abundant life - yes it involves the present age, but it is so focused on eternity the current affairs are not important.

It is not the answer I want, it is never the answer we want. We want it all now! Often we are like children, near-sighted almost to blindness. Abundant life is living for eternity now, rolling in the foretaste of your reward now; that way when you get the rest it is already part of who you are, you know what all the bits and bobs do. Abundant life is the kid who is promised a car so starts working on his 10-and-2 hand positioning, he starts shifting his gears, balancing his brake and clutch so that when he gets the car he has the movements down. While the rest are doing orientation he is doing donuts. Abundant life is realizing eternity has already begun for those in Christ!

The fallacy of Satisfaction

Galatians 5:17 - For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

Satisfaction is noun describing the pleased feeling that follows something that you did, and/or the act of providing what is needed.

The Bible is wholly true and always accurate. In light of this fact I have concluded that mankind will never be satisfied. A semblence of satisfaction likely exists in the utterly depraved or the absolutely Christ-like. For the rest of us when the flesh is pleased we are tormented by the Spirit of God and/or our conscience. These two will ever remind me of my follies and this will grieve me and ushers out what pleased feeling I have in response to whatever my actions are. On the good days if my spirit is pleased then my flesh in response is offended and makes it a point to remind me, it is so bold as to say, "That is enough Godliness for today, you should not do too much. You are not a fanatic, besides if you are too good they will all see when you mess things up." The pleasure of the flesh grates against the spirit and the happiness of the spirit grieves the flesh so I am never satisfied, I am never pleased by my actions nor can I provide what is needed.

Now for the utterly depraved I would posit that they have so scarred their conscience and are so resistant to the Spirit of God what for me is a contest is for them a declaration of war by a worm. The same applies for the absolutely righteous, they have so ignored their flesh it is emaciated and so starved it cannot squeak in protest. Is there a threshold then? Because however righteous I have become I have still been able to hear the displeasure of my flesh, and my wallowing in vice however far I go I feel my conscience scratching at my eyeballs..."I can't get no satisfaction" and I never will. 

Interim pastor woes.

Someone asked me today what our church's 'testimony' is. We have been in a state of apparent decline since 2008 so it seems to them like we were just 'hanging in there' for things to get better. Maybe we are, but I want us to be more than that. My burden and my prayer is that the Lord would lead us to do more. More Bible studying, more prayer, more fellowship, more ministry from the individual through the couples and families upto the entire church level, all 18 of us!  We are not in a holding pattern until a pastor  comes, we should keep going. Keep working on our own growth and the growth of the body. Unfortunately most of us are very insulated from non-believers, our lives are so far removed from people who do not know the Lord if we were to invite someone we knew to church, we would be borrowing them from another church. So we have to have a better testimony and one that interfaces with those without Christ! After explaining this to them, I asked them to pray and ask the Lord what their place is in the better testimony. Nehemiah had men build a part of the wall of Jerusalem in front of their house, so I asked where is your part in the wall?
I am the interim pastor of a tiny church. I do the job because the elders asked me to and I am convinvced the Lord has raised me up for a time such as this, but am 90% sure I am not the permanent pastor. This job has allowed me to stop asking God to help me to be useful int the kingdom. Every Sunday I am useful and some days of the week too as I minister to the flock. The sick thing is, if I was not studying for sermons most of the week I would be watching tv, playing vidoe games, working out and trying to cycle through reading one novel, one non-fiction. So why do I think so much of the day I hand it off?

Work and Leisure

After the work of the week is done, now that I work Monday through Sunday, the only day I rest is Sunday. But when Sunday afternoon comes I am knackered - it is my only rest day and it is also (usually) the only day Ican do something fun. So the battle decomes do I take a nap or do I indulge in all the 'fun' things that I would have done in my spare time if I had spare time...I hope the nap wins today.

All dusty...

I challenged my congregation to tell someone anything the Lord has been doing in their lives – last week I struggled to write my sermon, and as I prayed about it I began to wonder if I was being a faithful interim pastor. In my prayer time I was reminded of Ps 103:14, For he knows our frame, he remembers that we are dust. My sermon ended up talking a lot about an earlier verse in that Psalm – the Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love…here is what the Lord has recently done for me: He reminded me that I am dust. That on my best days will not measure up to his standard, he knows all my shortcomings but still Jesus died for me and God calls me his son, I can call his Father.

Bizarre musings on my amusement

¹muse

 verb \ˈmyüz\

: to think about something carefully or thoroughly

: to think or say (something) in a thoughtful way

 noun 

:  a state of deep thought or dreamy abstraction

 

amuse

 verb \ə-ˈmyüz\

: to make someone laugh or smile : to entertain (someone) in a light and pleasant way

: to get the attention of (someone) in a pleasant way as time passes

transitive verb

a archaic :  to divert the attention of so as to deceive

b obsolete :  to occupy the attention of :  absorb

c obsolete :  distract, bewilder

 

I find it absolutely bizarre that I do not agree with the content of most of my entertainment yet it is a significant part of how I spend my life. I think that is a little crazy, strait-jacket-in-a-padded-room kind of crazy. I comprehend to some extent the feeding of my sometimes detrimental inquisitiveness: I wonder how drug dealers think and behave? How do they work, live and justify their occupation? so I watch Weeds. It is like going to the zoo to learn how animals live, but if the monkeys start slinging excrement or the camels spit enough times you pack it up and go home, right? Why remain then, when the Botwins, who are cheaper than a trip to the zoo, offend? The other option is when I want to punch the lights out of life, but you know I cannot, so I watch 300 (if I owned it), Unleashed or Resident Evil. I laugh at and enjoy the gratuitous violence but I do not agree with wanton killing. I am all for adventure and struggle of good and evil, but training orphans to become killers is wrong.  

The more I think about it…ok examples:

1. I am listening to a song entitled Love is blind, I do not agree with its content. Yes, love is somewhat blind, but the things the artist says are outside my core beliefs. Really enjoying Lana del Rey right now, I love her style and am smitten by her skill, but her content is off-color, I would not tell anyone that I listen to her. There are a hundred more examples in my music collection.
2. I watched all 4 seasons of Royal Pains, rich, entitled, promiscuous, witty, God-less people. Yes I am for medicine and Hank's obsessive care for his patients, but his motives are suspect – he is very self-centered; an accurate portrayal of humanity and many physicians but something that I guard against in my life. Why then do I ingest that? On the other hand, I loved How I met your mother once upon a time, but the level of promiscuity in the show was something I could not endure so I stopped watching it.
3. Nothing more to add on my love for depictions of killing/violence/wars especially with a whimsical banter!
4. Often the Lord's name is taken in vain and used as a curse I am not ok with that, sadly I am offended so little I get over it and do not stop the show, especially if it is really funny.

I know very well the need to decompress, cease the musing and amuse a while. I pray that the Lord would change my preferences, the most 'righteous' things found in entertainment I also find boring - once over with Mr. Monk was all I can do, even Johnny Test is a selfish brat, Batman is driven by vengeance...it is true: 500 channels and 20 service providers and nothing good's on. 

I learned today (something I knew but never expressed) a craving is intensified by the payoff and availability of the thing craved. I never crave mushrooms or shrimp because I find them disgusting, chocolate, on the other hand, different story. I crave biltong, but its acquisition requires logging on, buying, and waiting a week. After it arrives the craving kicks up and I can eat a pound of dried meat in a week (the cost of biltong is such that one hopes it lasts a month). It is simple to neglect a craving for Bo and Kenzi when I have watched every episode. The moment a new season comes out I end up watching the whole thing. Early on, I even skip the less savory bits, but in some episodes that gets old. I do not watch them for their poly-amorousness; I love the banter, the adventure, the fantasy. BUT it comes with things I do not agree with. If my garlic chicken comes with mushrooms (Royal Pains, Lost Girl), I pick them out and eat my garlic chicken. If it comes with shrimp (How I met your mother, Rock Jocks) I send it back – at least I am consistent; I endure some things and reject others. Is it ok to endure the mushrooms though? Now that my chicken is adulterated by 'shroom juice is my spirit is leavened a little (Gal 5:9)?

I wish musement was more amusing! More than that I wish my preferences were more consistent with my beliefs. I wish my resolve to turn my eyes away as stronger (Matt 5:29-10). I wish…I am leaning towards instrumental music these days. I can enjoy the noise and keep my own thoughts and ideas. I am trying to find simple God-centered vocalists, but it is tough to find the right stuff. I am more mindful of my TV/movie selection. I need to add to that, the ability to be offended by someone else's choice; I do not need to watch trash just because I am visiting while you have it on, do I?

I can never be always serious, everyone needs the 'shallow' things in life. Jenny Lewis and the Watson twins sing, "I think we are at our best by the flicker, by the light of the TV set" - that is my wife and me, slightly sad but true; we would rather watch Frodo than read about him even though we agree the books are better. Bizarre, isn't it?  

Extravagance without waste

I thoroughly love the paradoxical dualities of the Lord; the whole Lion and Lamb thing, fully man and fully God, God of love and God of wrath, justice and mercy...the list is as long as His attributes.

As I go along in life I find things in my history that at the time seemed innocuous, wasteful even, but when more of the picture is revealed they make sense. Two events were recently clarified for me.

One: when I was in the midst of my struggles in college my good friend Chris was pastoring a little church in Princeton. He asked me to join him there and serve as a youth pastor/leader. I took this up, I had been happy at my church but was no longer involved in any ministry. I have a difficult time attending church without serving, as much trouble as I have being at my parents' or my in-laws' and not helping out with something. So I left Cornerstone and began attending Calvary Chapel Princeton. Most of the work I did was help with building upkeep, the youth group was two kids strong. I planned a few events and taught every Wednesday and Sunday, but again the majority of my time was spent as the go-to guy for all things needed in the church: mowing the lawn, painting, minor building repairs. I did it all out of love for the Lord and for Chris and thought nothing of it until one day while fixing a toilet Chris said, "So many people go to seminary but do not realize this is most of what ministry is - fixing old buildings." I laughed like I do whenIi have nothing to say and we continued serving the Lord.

Two: about two to three years later I was in the Shenandoah Valley attending Calvary Chapel Staunton pastored by my friend Christian. I lived with his family for a while and during that time if I was not studying he invited me to ride along when he did his pastoral visits to people in hospital. I remember vividly visiting a young man who had been in a car accident. His father attended the church though I had never seen him there. The boy was in critical care with tubes everywhere and Christian sat and talked to and prayed with the boy's dad and we left. We spoke little if anything of what we had seen. I think the boy recovered fully, but the experience of visiting someone in their anguish, sitting there for a while saying little, praying and leaving seemed a bit wasteful. But I also understood how things work in the Lord's economy and what it meant to the boy's father.

I am on the verge of leading a church albeit temporarily (I think - I hope I am not so deaf or stubborn that I do not hear the Lord's call). I recalled these events because this kind of mentorship I had with Chris and Christian is what my pastor/friend hopes to find at the seminary he will attend. I get that the Lord prepares us from birth for the life we will lead, but it is amazing when one is reminded of such things. He wet my toes for pastoral work when I thought I was just 'tagging along killing time.'

No event in our lives is innocuous or wasted, there is value in every mundane thing, even the ones we repeat over and over like going in to work on Monday morning. There is in every moment an opportunity to learn and to teach. Help me to remember this especially when I am doing things I dislike or thinking, "This is a waste of my life!" Of course there are events when we choose to be wasteful with the time we have, I discourage those, but even in them (like the rest of our folly-filled lives) the Lord is sovereign and by his extravagant providence he is preparing us for what comes next, be it the next hour, day, month, year or decade. He is not wasteful with the little time we have. Help me Lord to gladly serve you with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my mind however you want me to.

Sharpen me please

ECC10.10 If the iron is blunt, and one does not sharpen the edge, he must use more strength, but wisdom helps one to succeed.

Beautiful rain

Thank you for the rain
that cools the earth
and waters the plants
that feed the animals
and make the air sweet.

Ambition or Greed

Ambition and Greedy-malcontent are neighbors. There is a line, a fence between their domains and that line is motive. 

Where the Lord leads, the ambitious follow and they will go until He says otherwise. They go without when He allows (Phil 4:12) and they expand their tents when He says (Is 54). Like Paul they trust and love their Lord in abundance and in famine. 

The greedy malcontent will go where they please in spite of the Lord. They will covet, lust and be envious of their neighbor. They, like Nathan's proverb will take the lamb from him who has one (2 Sam 12) even though they have one hundred. 

Both seek a higher station in life but the ambitious focuses on the Lord and His glory. The greedy heart is driven solely by self-interest. It is okay to want and strive for more. But keep an ear open or else you will not hear the voice saying, “This is the way to go,l walk in it” (Is 30:21.) A.W. Tozer said "It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. The motive is everything."   ­­  

A critical thesis on life and spiritual happiness

Mankind’s spiritual nature makes us more than animals. Yet like animals, we generally carry an aversion to discomfort. We seek happiness; and for many, spirituality is the ultimate source of happiness. For the most spiritual and the most carnal, life is full of strife. There is no way out of it. Jesus said to his followers, “In this life, you will have trouble.” The common thread in all spiritual activity is to deal with the discomfort of life; an effort to find something worthwhile in our existence; a desire to be happily more than clay, water, and air.

Happy is a word with many synonyms. It describes feeling pleasure, enjoyment, well-being, and contentment. Off the bat, I say we will never be happy. We are born in sin and grow to be covetous gluttons. We are never satisfied. Rainer Marie Rilke says in The Book of Hours, “Perhaps I want everything.” Mary Oliver asks, “Are you breathing a little and calling it a life?” Nat King Cole sang, “I want the frim-fram sauce with the oss and fay [not your lame French fried potatoes or red ripe tomatoes].” We all, without exception, want more than life could ever deliver. The richest man wants a bit more, the average wants to be above average and the bottom-of-the-barrel wants to be average. That is the reality of mankind, tangentially that is why capitalism works – we are inherently greedy.

What’s happiness got to do with it? It is the Ultimate Unattainable, the grail we all seek. The carnal in activities I will not name, the spiritual in extreme devoutness, the industrious in profit and the lazy in empty longing. It might be the unifying goal of all mankind. We work to earn so we might live and live happily. We pray that God might provide for our livelihood and happiness. We indulge as ones who in our activities pan for nuggets of happiness in the mire of living.

Spiritual happiness is a whole different story – Jesus calls us to be satisfied in Him (John 10:10, Matt 11:28-30, John 6:35). In Him who died. In Him, whose most faithful and successful servants lived lives filled with strife and ended harshly except a few (Heb 11). Hebrews 11 discusses the many who saw a world far off and believed it was, nay lived as though it were (Heb 11:13). The writer of Hebrews calls that faith. It is the driving force in the life of the just (Hab 2:4, Heb 10:38), the gateway to pleasing God and finding in Him a reward better and greater by far than happiness (Heb 11:6). I find a lot in common with the character Smeagol from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkein and told by Peter Jackson – Smeagol in his last scene (in The Return of the King) has fought for and acquired the one ring from Frodo Baggins. It is irrelevant to him that he is falling into lava; he has his hearts’ desire. I say "hearts" because in him (like me, (maybe) you, and all who seek Christ) was a heart bent to villainy as it was bent to sainthood. He was constantly conflicted. And as he sinks you see the confusion in his eyes as he looks around, but he knows to look upon the ring in his palm. Though he dies he dies happy and fully satisfied.

Happiness is found in that for which you will die, that for which you will live as if there is no tomorrow. My desire is to point to Christ for only in Him is there sure salvation, but some will find in my words a push to other things. Let me say those will end. Love for Christ is eternal. If you will live for Him now, then you live for Him and with Him forever. That is the happiness we all long for – a life of meaning. If you will be Smeagol, Jesus can be to you as the One ring – your life’s consuming desire. Finding that is finding utter happiness for whatever happens around you as long as your eyes are fixed on your source of happiness, then happiness will never leave you. The hymn writer wrote, “Turn your eyes onto Jesus look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.”

Location, Location, Location!

I was officially ordained as an elder at the church on March 16th. Adam did not make a huge production of it, and he reminded me how hesitant I was to accept the offer and reminded me the extents to which the Lord went to keep me where I need to be.

I submitted my ministry application thinking of covering for my wife who was getting too busy at work to routinely do the worship slides. At that time Karl and Adam had been praying about filling in the second elder spot and in their prayers they said the Lord pointed to me. They received my application and it confirmed some things for them, but they would have approached me anyway.
In the two years that I was ‘in-training’ I was under observation to see if I fit in the group. Even I agree we work well together.

From August to September last year I interviewed for a position in Boston. In September the government shut down and since the position was linked to a government contract the company ceased communicating – the spot fell through I thought. Today on the 17^th, they emailed to say the position is ready for me.

In my last sermon I talked about the cost of following the Lord, how certain people and opportunities would not be accessible to us.

On one hand I am more convinced I am where I should be, on the other hand I am saddened by the loss of yet another ‘break-out’ opportunity. He opened the opportunity to be an elder and closed everything else. Now that I have walked through that door, I wonder what vocational opportunities He will open for me if any. I am where I should be, serving how I should be serving. That matters most.

Acts 17:26 says From one man He made every nation of men that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

Work takes the fun out of the coolest jobs!

I walked into Morton's BMW totally thrilled! I was in the neighborhood and really wanted to be surrounded by Beemers. I was underwhelmed by the level of excitement in most of the staff then it hit me - they were at work, that terrible place many of us spend a third of our lives. I remembered how people (maybe two really) go, "You work at a hospital, that is SO COOL!" And I respond, "I show up, they pay me so I show up again.

Regret

I regret most everything. It is apparently my nightly ritual, before I go to bed every night I review my regrets for that day - a conversation, a thought, a missed opportunity, a...there is always something.

I am tempted to call Mom and ask her if I was ever a happy child but that would worry her. I do not recall ever being happy, giggling or just having a good time. My 'best' times are with other people and it feels like a front, I am out with friends I should be having a ball. I laugh when jokes are funny, I respond appropriately to all the stories until I look back on it and it is tainted. I get home and I am surly with those I 'love the most.' How does that happen? I get the whole introvert bit, I get things are not perfectly clear but come on man, smile at your wife!

I would like to enjoy life. I would like to have some non-regrettable fun while I live. I would like to think back in that final moment and in my mind's eye see a life well lived then maybe smile before I take my last breath.