On Sickness, Death and Grief.

I do not know if we can do it different, because it is so ingrained in our culture but I do not like our response to death. When someone falls ill, we are sad for them and wish them all the best, speedy recovery and all that. We try in whatever our capacity to care for and remind them they are cared for. The longer the illness persists sometimes this supports wanes. It makes sense, life carries on at the speed of time in spite of our loved one's illness. Bills have to be paid, work attended, kids cared for and clothed etc. At this time we, maybe just I, tend to be lax in providing support and prayer. Which is sad because the next thing you hear is, "So-'n-so is in the hospital, their condition has deteriorated." The fervency returns and in a few days or weeks, they are deceased then we are sad and all broken up because our dearly beloved is no longer with us.

Might I be so bold as to contrast with David who while his son (who was 'scheduled' to die) lived and struggled with illness the man would not eat, he spent his time in prayer on behalf of the child. After the boy died, he got up, cleaned up and went about his usual life. He did this for the boy, he wanted the boy to live.

There is excessive emotion and grief at death, because I think we should be more emotional and grieved in the sickness that leads to death. Once dead our loved ones in the Lord are in a perfect place. Yes, we may grieve to not see them for a while, but that grief should be brief. There is more need for grief while they lie in a sick bed. I just think the whole thing is lopsided. Grief at death is for us, we want them back, we want them around - we/me. In grieving during illness like David we grieve ourselves in the hope that the Lord may have mercy and spare their life - them/others. See where I am going?

A co-worker died yesterday, as hurt as I am by her death I am more hurt because I did not hurt while she was ill for months. I prayed for her, but not as much as I could have. Working in health care I am learning there is no 'temporary' illness. It is stupid not to assume any sickness is unto death, and yet it is morbid to assume all sickness is unto death. This is not for me a call to balance, but to lopsidedness. A call to care more, grieve more, pray more while people live. For when they die they are dead. Maybe, the excess of grief at death is because we all mourn with regret for not being more engaged while one lived. I am sure there is not a single answer.

An encouraging thought on my fight against sin, because I keep going back and new ones keep coming up and I get really tired and bogged down at times thinking the Cross missed a few things; I know my sin is not unique, but it sometimes feels like God cannot handle it (I know it sounds preposterous) but I do think that sometimes so...

"Our fight against sin is noble and good, but make no mistake: we are not fighting to be righteous. We already are righteous. We are simply learning to live outwardly like the person we are inwardly." Judah Smith
Because we died to sin in Christ and are resurrected in Him.
Because the old is gone and the new has come, we are new (righteous) creations with infections/parasites/invaders (sin)
Because we are Christ's and if He is light and in Him is no darkness, yet He is aligned to me then I am not a wicked sinner who is sometimes good (though it looks that way), I am actually the converse, a righteous man who is sometimes sinful.
It does feel like semantics, brain training, and wordplay, but I get it and I know it is not.

Please Sir, may I have enough?

I have talked about contentment before, the need to settle. I found myself thinking of it in a different word - satisfaction. I was praying that the Lord would satisfy me, that my job, my wife, my life would be enough. It is strange to point this out but worthwhile; I am not necessarily asking for more, I only want enough you see. But then I wonder, is the satisfaction a moving target such that enough today is not adequate in a month? With the money, I can see that happening. What about with the rest of it? Does my marital, spiritual, social, recreational satisfaction depreciate like the dollar or my tangible toys? Or do their immaterial nature exclude then from reduction? 

If it were enough I should enjoy it more, right? And I would know it is enough, it is all I can handle and that would be great. How could one ask for more? Right now I always wonder if it can be different, better and how. I just want to be okay, to have enough, to have serenity concerning all of it. I do not know how to get there from here.

~     O     ~

"I want the frim fram sauce with the oss and fay, and shifafa on the side." -

lyric by Redd Evans sung by Nat King Cole.

“You see, I want a lot.

Perhaps I want everything:

the darkness that comes with every infinite fall

and the shivering blaze of every step up.

So many live on and want nothing...”

- Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God

I have never seized a day in life apparently!

The wonderful works of Mr Bill Watterson. Great show Sir, marvelous work indeed!