Limits

I went to the doctor once, with an asthma attack. He checked my lung volume but was not happy with the results so he sent me to a respiratory lab. I was sat in a tiny plastic closet and asked to repeatedly breathe into a paper tube in many different ways. One of the exercises I had to do was exhale to the dictation of the technician. "Ok, take a deep breath. Now quickly force it all out, don't inhale keep exhaling, keep pushing, push it out...push it out...hold it hold it hold it, oook now inhale. Well done!" I had no idea how much my lungs could hold even after 'total' exhalation. Now I know, and that knowledge is mostly useless to me.

Mankind has limits. We can only run so far, so fast, live so long, climb so high, dive so deep. I have found that we, as a race, are more ambitious than our naturally prescribed limitations. Hence our desire to run as fast as a horse that we solved by taming the beast and riding it. We sought the hunting prowess of the wolf, strength of the ox, flight of birds and we found ways of attaining these attributes. We have since set our sights on the health of sharks, longevity of tortoises and the beauty of pearls with that long life. However far we go along the ladder of achievement we will continually strive for more. It is the way we are raised, maybe even the way we are wired to begin with.

In Mythology tales are told of a King Gilgamesh of Uruk who was strong, wise, good-looking and much more. In all things he was gifted and excelled above every other man of his time. One would think he would have said, "I am so blessed and this is enough", yet he sought more in order to prove himself, his epic quest was immortality and it is on this journey that he found his bounds. He was stretched to his limit and returned home a failure (in his eyes). I think he was challenged to stay awake for seven days and he slept on Day two, woke up with five loaves of bread in various stages of decay next to him. He did it all! And he did it hard, battled monsters, built a city, a civilisation, chopped trees to battle more monsters. Then he chose the battle that showed him the edges of his prowess and the hem of his potential, yet beyond it the ship of his ambition was sailing still.

I am terrified of the day I am at that place. I have always been told I can do anything. I recall once I showed my father my report card and (as usual) he was not impressed. He asked me what kind of food the top of the class ate and I looked at him baffled to eternity. He went on this enraged tirade that questioned the source of his stupid son's stupidity, who ate the same food, breathed the same air etc as the top students, yet he could not be a top student himself.

There are things I cannot do, due to absolute lack of training, equipment, even will. I however dread the day I am weighed against something I desire and am found wanting. I pray that day tarries a long long while.