Fight or Flight

"...whenever it feels like I'm in too deep I am reminded I am in You.  And the storms that threatened lie beneath your wounded feet."

I asked my Facebook friends what they do when life was terrifying.  They did not respond.  As I ran today I thought of the fear I have of graduate school.  The 'next big thing' in my life at this point.  Classes start on Tuesday and I am scared.  I sat in orientation yesterday and like the songwriter quoted above I clearly felt I am in too deep, I have bitten off more than I can chew.  Yet the Lord started preparing me for this new adventure a month ago.

My wife reconciled our book shelves, big two year anniversary step.  I found myself repeatedly drawn to the book Brokenness: The heart God revives by Nancy L DeMoss.  I started reading it and so many things she writes about are ringing true to me.  I see the pillars of pride in my life and long for the Lord to bash the lot.  One lesson I already wrote about was concerning how much I had to offer when I taught the Word.  The next stage is how much I have to offer academically and financially, my self-dependence.  

I am not a brilliant student, but I get results.  I work hard for most of my grades.  Many get better grades with less work, those are brilliant students.  I do not feel like I know much until I am questioned, then knowledge (and I am sure some trash) gushes out in response.  With this under my belt, the things I heard in graduate school orientation left me feeling puny and inadequate.  The same way I felt at assembly in first grade as I wet my pants from fear; utterly helpless.  So I came home, told my wife what I had learned, asked my FB 'friends' for advice and went to sleep.

I ran today and contemplated my fear.  I thought of the fear response in nature - Fight or Flight.  Some animals roll into a ball, freeze, play dead, run and yet others will fight to the death (honey badgers come to mind - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c81bcjyfn6U)  What, then is my response to fear?  And what should my response be to fear?

In short, I should ever respond to fear by running to Christ.  Not by standing to fight in my own strength.  As the Korahthites wrote in the 44th Psalm, "...I do not trust in my bow and my sword...But You give us victory over our foes...We boast in God all the day long."  David in the 11th Psalm writes, "In the Lord I take refuge; how can you say to my soul, "Flee like a bird to you mountain..."?"  So I will run to the Lord, He is my refuge.  Where else can I go?  I am not going back to my idols.  TV and games, even books are just distractions.  They benefit nothing!  I have no wealth with which to buy my way out of difficulty.  My good looks never took me anywhere.  I have nothing.  I will say it louder, in case anyone missed it, I HAVE NOTHING!!  But God...and that is who I need.  He is all I need.

How can you say to me fly like a bird because someone is hiding out to shoot you down?  Actually, I will fly, but to the Lord.  My Shepherd and He will provide for me.  He will see me through it.  If there will be a fight, His sword will swing for all 3 years and more.  Through the fat and the thin, He has done it before.  Go on, bring the pain!!

http://ccmiddleriver.org/mp3/2010/01/2010-01-03.mp3