Ghosts

I have 'loved' four women in my life.  One I married, another I broke, the other woke up too late and the first, well she 'died'.  She is the only one who does not haunt me.  Is it because I was a kid; it was ages ago?  When we saw each other after we were done we were just two people meeting.  Just thinking of the other two ruins my heart!I have had many 'friends' over the years. Some superficial, others I have been through so much with they were family.

Yes, there is that whole first love thing I talked about years ago, but why do they come up when they do.  It seems very random that I think, "I wonder how she is doing?"  WHY DO I CARE?  Seriously, why?  I say I want to be a heartless fiend and that is mostly true, because of such situations - people come and people go, and it takes so much to get close and hurts so much when they go.  Forgive the pity party, but when it comes to 'friendly call backs' I have terrible numbers.  I find that I chase most of my 'friends' except for maybe four, one I live with, another I am related to, the other lives in the neighborhood and the other is, well more friendless than I - we are the bottom of the barrel.

My question is, since they all chose not to call or write, why do I care?  Why do they pop up, why do I sit down for dinner with all these ghosts?  Why do I even feel like making contact?  Sometimes they answer, and I am told 'we were just talking about you'  and 'we are ever so glad to hear from you, we should talk some more soon, I will give you a call' and that is the end of it.  Who is the dummy here? Fine lines separate a lost friend from a bother and a straight stalker.

Why do I care? This makes me mad!