The Boy and his Man

I enjoy watching and/or reading Bleach, the story of a teenage death god-substitute. I love (and long) for problems that can be solved with a sword. I have never held one, would not know the first thing to do with it. This desire can be boiled down to this: I wish I could punch out personifications of my vices. If instead of 'battling' Insidious Lies, he would be a dude who comes to bother me during my stogie break or something and I can go bankai on his jaw!

Like all good characters, the main player in this story has his (fighting) duality - an honourable warrior, and a bloodthirsty fiend. All this is contained in his hot tempered, but very likable exterior.

I have spoken some of my upbringing. I was an ever a little scared boy who never felt up to snuff. Everyday I awoke and hoped I would make it through without getting spanked or worse scolded or derided. It never happened; yes I went to bed happy but I missed this mark with flying colours. The Boy often slept in tears.

One fine day I left home and slowly cast that off, proved myself to be hardworking and good at the few things I put my hand to. Women told me I was handsome and fun. Men told me I was impressive and witty. I was intelligent, intriguing, wise sometimes and so much more. Now I walk with my spine straight, there may even be a slight swagger. The Man knows his place and it is a good one.

Every once in a while Life rears up and blasts the smirk off my face. I end up that little scared boy walking on eggshells. In the shadow of days like that both my lives from the other's perspective seem like a dream. And whoever I am at that moment can look at the other and laugh. I long to Man out and furiously lash at Life, but it is an immaterial collection of moments! I can not turn my wrath on the people in the room with me, that would not be fair...what do I do? I am left an affronted Boy and confident Man with nothing to confront but myself. So I pout, I sleep and hope to wake up to a better day. Usually takes two, but the world always gets back to normal.

The Boy returns to the quiet closet he loves, indulges in all forms of fantasy and fancy. The Man goes back to work and keeps a straight smiling face until bedtime. And Life goes on.