Emotions

BBC's cult TV show (who determines what is cult and what is not, and on what grounds?) Dr Who is a quirky but amazingly entertaining show about time travel, space, human-alien relations in the hope for universal "peace, love and understanding" but usually failing on all three. The Doctor has many foes, the Dalek are the most notorious, they do not die! Who/What are the Dalek; they are clones of a psychotic ugly named Davros, who is bent on world domination (even though he is eventually governed by his creations). They have been stripped of all emotion, except hate. They always sound angry, so angry your voice screeches kind of angry. And so we will add anger to the short list of Dalek-able emotions. When they have The Doctor cornered, they (and the Cyber-Men too) point out the futility of human (and other species') emotions, a quality The Doctor holds in high esteem. What they consider a flaw, he, and many others consider a gift. Not I. Not usually.

Much to my wife's exasperation I find emotions to be a waste of energy/effort. Had I been given the chance I would have picked a few and left most out. I just find them annoying, the buzzing bugs of the summers of my soul. They are probably out pollinating important flowers or some other important thing, but oh what a bother! The behavioral vacillation resulting from emotion-linked living is a major pester. There is much to be said, in my book, for consistency. Walking into my world and knowing were I stand. It helps you behave however you need to and our exchange is a lot more efficient. Flip side; throw emotions in and every meeting we have is prefaced by testing the waters to know how I am faring (emotionally) so that you can bring up this thing but save the other for a day I am more inclined to respond favourably. In short, let's dance. Step on my toes and I will bite. I don't like to dance, I wish I could. I cannot. I do not.

Anger; the downfall of many. I am terrified of mine and my loved ones' anger. I have learned it is difficult to control. It is a pressure release valve, you pull the switch and it gives all until the pressure is safe again. Do we need the pain that release causes, the shame when we have to go back and apologise for saying more than we should have? Anger is best contained, if possible never invested in. The more you love someone, the more you know their insecurities, the easier you can strike that Achilles heel in anger and cripple your opponent with one snide remark (meant or not, the damage is done to be erased with much difficulty.) I would chuck this one.

Excitement; something good is supposed to happen and I should start celebrating now? I have watched this movie before. I was so excited about it. I thought it would be all that and bag of curly fries and it wasn't. It was so far from it the memory makes me cringe. What was I excited about again? Why should I spend (cough waste) the energy, all I have are what you, me and the other person think is going to occur? We do not know anything. Why then should I rejoice over what might be? I do not get excited (not entirely true, but true enough). I am waiting to be excited when the exciting thing actually happens. Nothing so far in life has been as good or better than I have been told or led to believe. I am sad to say, absolutely nothing! Chuck this one too.

Fear; not the things that go bump in the night. This one is my friend, it is funny how assurance is not an emotion, yet its absence is. The world is going to chew you up and spit you out, wait for you to catch your breath and do it again. Brace yourself, you were not meant to come out of life alive anyway, so there. I choose not to fear the travails of life, but my constant bracing is evidence to the contrary isn't it? Yet without fear what foolish things would we walk into face first? And in what state would we leave? Fear in Love preserves (Proverbs 9:10, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.") Pure fear cripples, it punishes, it is cruel. Once in a while, toss fear and go ahead and do something you know is going to hurt. Keeps you sharp. I ran 9 miles, for the first time, without training. Ouch!

Joy; my disappointment in spiritual life. I have not met Joy. I weep from my want of Joy. I will keep this one (when I find it).

Empathy; a good one. How can one knock empathy? I work in medicine, I have empathy. I will keep this one.

There are more. These are my favourites. I wish I were an emotional metronome, knowing how far I go on either end, but staying within my bound (and narrow) amplitude. I am not aware of how much I swing. There is a swing and it may be more to one side than another. I long for consistency.

The Dalek needed some fear with their anger and hate. I see them victorious in their conquest, but the lack of fear causes them to underestimate The Doctor and always leads to their demise. I do not like knowing that I am wired to react, makes me feel like a puppet on emotion's strings.