I regret most everything. It is apparently my nightly ritual, before I go to bed every night I review my regrets for that day - a conversation, a thought, a missed opportunity, a...there is always something.
I am tempted to call Mom and ask her if I was ever a happy child but that would worry her. I do not recall ever being happy, giggling or just having a good time. My 'best' times are with other people and it feels like a front, I am out with friends I should be having a ball. I laugh when jokes are funny, I respond appropriately to all the stories until I look back on it and it is tainted. I get home and I am surly with those I 'love the most.' How does that happen? I get the whole introvert bit, I get things are not perfectly clear but come on man, smile at your wife!
I would like to enjoy life. I would like to have some non-regrettable fun while I live. I would like to think back in that final moment and in my mind's eye see a life well lived then maybe smile before I take my last breath.
1 comment:
Mother said, "You showed excitement but lacked emotional expression. You showed more curiosity and rarely got angry."
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