"In times of hardship we have said something has to give, something has to move. I find it a deux ex machina response to the unstoppable force, immovable object dilemma. Something has got give way, move back or else the system will remain in equilibrium while both bodies deteriorate, which is a very feasible reaction. I do not relish the idea in life however, a life in static equilibrium is an oxymoron, death is energetic equilibrium with the surroundings, any other form of static equilibrium in life scares me and is akin to some level of death.
What I have, up to now not realised, is how often I am the thing to budge. Many times I am looking externally for the mostly immovable object resisting my unstoppable push. If finances, what thing can do without and still live at 'a standard I am used to'? If time, what activities? I am the director. I push my amazing God-given strength around, rarely am I the thing to move, neither are my ideas nor beliefs.
I prayed today that the Lord move me, and that I would remain conscious of this fact. Sometimes me and my ideas are the mountain in the way of my progress, in the way of the Lord's plan. And hardship should cause us to examine all things and see this state. So here I am, I have this idea of God's goodness, and how He does/does not, should/should not provide for or help people. Like Job's friends, some of those ideas need to be adjusted. Aslan said nothing [of the Lord's hand] happens the same way twice. I believe that. So if this holds, then our ideas of God's interventions are old as soon as we see Him act right? Hence our need to move on. Scientists assume the world is orderly, meaning repeating an experiment in exact settings should yield the same result (or really close), so we found acceleration due to gravity is 9.8 meters per square second, speed of light is 299792458 meters per second, and today I weigh 132 pounds. I do not think this same assumption is true of the Lord. He is not entirely random, neither is He entirely ordered either. He is (again) a conundrum.
The moral of my story is this: I get in the way of God's work by approaching my academics, sometimes finances and definitely relationships in the 'knowledge' that I can do it. I am living with God playing my commander-on-the-hill, while I wage war in the field; (I run to Him when I am driven back, and send Him reports when I am doing well, "See I told you I could!".) The Psalmist confesses it is not his own bow or strength that won a battle but the Lord. The armies of the Hebrews coming out of Egypt lost their first fight, Moses had told them if go, the Lord does not go with you. After Elisha prayed for him, his servant saw the armies of the Lord surrounding them ready to do battle. Remember conundrum, not wholly ordered; it seems HE FIGHTS WITH US AND FOR US. He is not far off directing. He is Emmanuel. GOD WITH ME, and you and all of us. I have a time wrapping my head around God with ME, and that has got to go."
He is not like my parents when I was in boarding school, they cared for me from over there (not saying that is a bad thing). Rather, it is as if He sent me to school but went with me, like Timmy Turner in Fairly OddParents. I believe in Emmanuel and the Cross. Emmanuel in the rest of my life is still suffering from stunted growth. I have to consciously remember He is for me here, now and every time. I am never on my own.
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